Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what would you do

Ok so I am the oldest sister of 4 girls. I have made mistake in my life and I have learned and have grown because of them. A lot of the mistakes I have made were because my mother wasn't really there to guide me through my childhood- well she was there but she wasn't, well anyways- let me get to why i am posting this question:
Yesterday while I was talking to my sister (who is 19) and she told me that my 14 year old sisters "boyfriends" mother called my mother and said that she found naked pics on her sons phone and raunchy texts that all came from my sister, and he had sent my sister some as well. Also, my 14 yr old sister was also ound to have hickeys on her neck. My mother and I aren't talking so I wasnt able to ask her what was going on but my sister told me that all my mother said was that if she was doing it then she better stop and if shes not then she better not start. What the hell kind of parenting is that? cont...

Answer Question

Asked by lovelyli217 at 10:05 PM on Nov. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 12 (759 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Well I also found out that my other sister (who is 23) is staying with her girlfriend (now i don't care if shes gay or not cause even if she wasn't I would think this arrangement was fucked up) in my 14 year old sisters bedroom in her bed while my 14 yr old sis is sleeping on the floor!!! and my mom and step father are ok with this! wtf? so anyways this plus alot of other things i have heard are really pissing me off and because my sister doesnt want to hear anything about it shes not returning my calls or texts- do i just give up and let my sister risk getting pregnant at 14 or worse, get a disease? or do i step in and do something and if so what do i do? i am at a total loss but I dont want to see my sis fall into the same things that i did at a young age... any advice? thanks

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 10:09 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I think at the age of 14 these days it almost seems like the popular thing to do to be sexy to guys. My 15 year old cousin is kinda the same way. Man her skirts look like she is standing on a corner in downtown LA!!! LOL. Her mom isnt the best influence on her also and she is kinda overlooking alot of my cousins actions. I am in my mid 20's so it wasnt that long ago I was in her shoes so she kinda listens to what I have to say. I just kinda tell her that any guy that is more interested in your body is soooo not worth it. I never tell her what she is doing wrong I kinda let her come to that conclusion on her own. I just in general tell her about things that can happen when you act a certain way around guys. From my experience with my cousin I kinda think it is a self confidence thing. I try to focus on the positive things in her life in a way to sway her away from negative behavior.

    Answer by KPlunk at 10:16 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Bottom line she is going to do what she wants. Dont judge her and make sure that she knows that no matter what she does you will always be there for her. She will eventually come around if she feels that she can come to you with anything without being judges especially if you have been through similar situations. It is totally sad to say but sometimes they have to learn the hard way. as long as she has someone to fall back on her negative choices may make her a better person in the long run. it sounds like it made you a better person!!!

    Answer by KPlunk at 10:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • If I were in your shoes, I'd feel pretty horrible if I did nothing and my sister got pregnant. Sounds like your mother and stepfather aren't too great at parenting, so anything you can do to help your sister might make a huge impact on her life. In fact, they sound like pretty awful parents.

    Give up? I wouldn't if I cared about my sister. Talk to her privately and educate her as much as you can about the risks she is probably taking by having unprotected sex. Find some websites that might appeal to a teen that talk about teen pregnancy, adoption and abortion. Send her to a clinic if possible. Your mother make not like what she may perceive as interferring, but I wouldn't care about that if I were you. Do what you can to help your sister. Keep trying no matter how hard she tries to ignore you. Find some way to get through to her.

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:21 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I'd have a heart to heart with your sister. Make sure she realizes that just because she only sent those photos to her BF that doesn't mean that they won't end up in places that she doesn't want them. They could get posted on the internet or he could send them to his friends. She could also get into trouble for distributing child pornography even though it's herself in the pictures. What she is doing is dangerous and very serious. Maybe you and your other sisters can all get together and talk to her about it?

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • If she isn't answering your calls or texts just text her "one word-CONDOMS". She may think you are going to give her a lecture the other sisters have already given her and that will let her know you are more worried about protecting her than restricting her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.