Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Are you obligated to buy gifts for brothers girlfriends kids?

Ok, so, my brother has been dating a girl for about two years now. I rarely see her or her children. I try to set things up so we can get our kids together and I either get a, oh yeah we should do that or no response, or the latest, yes lets do that this weekend, sunday would work better, lunch and park and then they never show up. Should I feel obligated to buy her children anything for the holidays? If the answer is no, should I at least inform my brother that I will not be doing anything, or should I just not do anything?

I am having trouble with this one, so hopefully I can get some insight form others.

I also tried asking her what the kids needed or wanted and she never answered me.
Thank you.

Answer Question
 
jodim828

Asked by jodim828 at 11:15 PM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • if you know that they may be bringing your kids something then yes. I would have someone like your mother or MIL call and make an agreement or ask what they want to do or just tell them. This year we agreed that all the families would buy each child 1 gift and we drew names for the adults just b/c we have such a big family.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I have been in this place myself, i would always buy my ex's sisters kids something for hoildays but she would always forget my kdis. So I stopped. You dont have to send them anything. Just a nice gretting card around the hoildays or a simple thinking of your around the season is nice enough. Its the thought that you though of them, and if they cant understand that..sorry you tired to make the connection but they didnt reach back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I would get a small but thoughtful gift for each of the two children. Really why not? It's not these kids fault their mom is a flake, and they may be actual family one day. It's Christmas after all.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • yeah, my stepmom did that to us one year...she told me and my sis that everyone was just buying for the kids. Well our kids got 1 gift from her and my dad...my sister and i bought my step siblings kids each a gift. Our kids got to watch them unwrap all their presents after they opened their one....and i felt really bad especially after my stepmom had told me EVERYONE was buying for the kids. Her kids didnt get our kids shit. I would'nt have bought them crap if i knew they were gonna treat our kids that way. I think my step mom did it on purpose...typical of her.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:31 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • ...and i know it was christmas and its not the kids fault...it just wasnt fair to our kids
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:33 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Ok, what if I know my daughter will get a gift, but it will only be from my brother. She doesnt buy anything for our family, my brother does. Then do yuo still think I should buy her children something? I guess after reading these, my mind has already been made up. I don't feel like even if they got married, that they are family because we never see them. Its not just about Christmas, but the same rules apply to Birthdays too. I am just tired of making the effort for 2 years and getting nothing back. The best gift for my daughter from them would be to see them, not recieve something. Just a little frusterated today. Sorry about venting.
    jodim828

    Answer by jodim828 at 11:36 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • do you think your brother would be offended if you did'nt get the kids anything? does your brother help take care of these kids? I would be offended.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:40 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Here's the thing, if you are going to be in the same place at the same time, I would get something. No it doesn't have to be expensive. Depending on the age a coloring book and some crayons would be fine. She may be very well intentioned with wanting to get together, or maybe she's not sure that you really are sincere with getting together with her. I hear people say things like that all the time, doesn't mean that they mean them.

    A.) Its Christmas.
    B.) The gift is for the kids, not her.
    C.) You get to be the bigger person.

    Personally, I would rather have a gift and be out a few dollars than to be empty handed. If I could afford to I would keep a few extra gifts wrapped around this time of year, just in case, but I can't. Now if you aren't going to see her, then not getting them a gift is fine, because it probably won't be noticed. (At least it wouldn't in my family but others do keep track, its sad.)
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 11:41 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • yeah, if you are'nt going to see the kids dont worry about it. Kids expect presents though around christmas...their little hearts get all excited and worked up...even if it is something small.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:45 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I don't buy gifts but even if I did, if she treated me like that I'd not buy her anything or her kids
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:48 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
is it normal/

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
lower back pain

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN