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Why do so many moms aim for "fine"?

I see this here on CM all the time.
My SIL did ____ and her kids turned out fine.
My parents did _____ and I turned out fine.

Why not try for "great" or "amazing" or even "excellent"??
I don't want my kids to be fine. I don't want them to have a mediocre job, an ex-wife, child support payments, and living off of prozac. I want my kids to be happy. I want them to be intelligent and successful. I want them to be known as inspiring people. That is why I do all the little extra things to help them accomplish great things. That is why I dedicate myself 100% to raising them right. I don't ever settle for "fine".

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Nov. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • No kidding, that bugs me too. I have to resist the urge to say "think of how much better they could have turned out if you paid a little more attention." Everyone will make mistakes down the road and they don't need anyone to remind them of that but no one should settle when it comes to their kids.

    Answer by at 1:16 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • What if that mediocre job makes them happy?

    How is having an ex-wife or child support payments any fault of the parent who raised said person?

    As far as Prozac, there are PLENTY of people that had awesome childhoods and have awesome lives who are on antidepressants.....DEPRESSION is an illness.

    I think you are reading too much into the word fine....I seriously doubt that most people who use that are describing people with a "mediocre" existence...most people use that a general phrase to describe that the person was alive, well and functioning in adulthood without issue.

    Answer by anetrnlov at 3:59 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • OP, I find your statements offensive.

    I have an ex, that is no fault of my parents.

    I have been on depression medications, that is no fault of my parents.

    I am doing the best for my kids. If a mediocre job makes them happy, that's awesome! Let me guess, you're one who looks at the garbage man or fast food worker and thinks "too bad your parents didn't do more for you".

    You're a moron and I can only hope your kids don't pick up on your attitude.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:07 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Well I did all the extra things, I devote my entire life to my kids. I am a hands on loving mom. I give both my kids every opportunity to express themselves in a creative way. I have educational material and experiences readily available to them. I still have a 17 year old that still thinks she knows everything. She has bounderies but still fights us every step. We have given her praise and consequences. She is loved yet takes us for granted. She knows the value I have in education. However I will be lucky if she graduates even with the 5 year plans. I can see her getting married young and divorced because she crushes on guys and then gets bored with them. I can even see her having a baby young trying to prove that she can do it better than me. Sometimes you do the very best for your kids and they make mistakes anyway. Other parents can ignore their children's needs and they become productive adults. Some of it is pure luck.

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 8:41 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • While I don't think the parents are at fault for everything I don't want to do things and my kid turn out just fine. I was beat as a kid and I turned out fine. Am I going to beat my kid? NO! People say that phrase to justify their selfishness.


    Answer by MoonLover06 at 8:46 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • wha'ts wrong with "fine"? They just mean nothing went wrong. That's great! And also, setting unrealistic expectations causes undo stress and disappointment. I don't think people are aiming for fine especially in your examples. They are using it as a reference for the actions, nto a goal for their kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

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