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I need some advice on forgiveness...

You don't have to be Christian to answer this question! In fact, I'd like a wide range of opinions, please...

I was told by my counselor that to reduce my stress, I need to learn how to forgive. But there's someone who did something so horrible that I feel he should never be forgiven.

What do I do??

Remember, I'm Pagan, so telling me to "pray to God" is not an answer...

 
hiddenstrength

Asked by hiddenstrength at 2:31 AM on Nov. 14, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 4 (36 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Also pagan - and you can commune with the gods to help you forgive. Well some of them lol. Clementia or Rhiannon would be good.

    here is a quote that helped me forgive "Forgiving is learning to give up all hope of a better past" it sound pretty bleak until you realize that there is no way of having a better past, there is no way for what has happened to be undone. All you can do it to move forward.
    Also if this person is keeping you back and keeping you stressed, they still have hold of you. Forgiving them is saying "I do not need or want your negativity in my life any more - I banish you from my life. You have no hold over me" When you believe that, when you truly believe that you have moved on, you have forgiven them. And you have your life back as your own.
    Amelora

    Answer by Amelora at 3:25 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Maybe you're thinking in terms of absolution. Forgivness and absolution are two different things. Forgiveness is saying "I'm not going to be upset about this any more" and absolution is saying "What you did is null and void, and we're even." Forgiving is for YOU. YOU need to decide to move past whatever this person did. Is this person still in your life? If so, maybe you need to remove them from it in order to get past this big impasse. Work on finding outlets for your fears and anxieties this person caused. Art, music, dance, anything, and learn to understand that you can be a stronger person because of this. Channel that energy into something positive.

    I'm Pagan as well, I have found that prayer/meditation/spellwork does help. Not in a "please intercede on my behalf" way, but putting it out into the universe (or to your Patron or to Goddess) that you are looking for strength and guidance.

    GL! PM me if you want
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 2:53 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Sometimes it is so hard to forgive so I know what you mean, but if you don't than it will eat at you and keep eating at you forever. Forgiving is different from forgetting! I can forgive but I will never forget. It was hard to forgive my dad for the things he has done and said to me my whole 25 years of life and it made me feel alot better like a burden lifted off my shoulders but I have never forgot and never will. Good luck hon it takes a strong and bigger person to actually forgive and you seem strong enough to do that! Just figure out a way to do it and it takes time ( It took me 22 years) and in the long run you are the better person!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • i did sthg similar which worked for me. i made a table on a piece of paper and wrote in columns my thought. yours could be labelled "why to forgive" and "why to hold it inside me or against that person forever". there can be also a 3rd column "what should i do about it or what to be".
    for the 1st you could find youself saying: i do not want to become bitter aged lady, must take care over my inner self, be better person, for the sake of children etc.
    for the 2nd say: i was hurt so many times that way, so must keep an evidence for it, it burns me out to communicate over the same again, must have him/her know that forever or other whys".
    the 3rd column could be saying : "to discuss (this&that), to shoot emotional message in writing to him/her now w/t blahblah, for the best sake of my health never cry over it again ( headache), storing grief can lead to commiting crime etc"
    at the end read all you wrote&decide for yourself
    baby133

    Answer by baby133 at 5:14 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it. Yes, holding a grudge and bitterness inside of you is not emotionally healthy. My motive for forgiving, even when someone has done something horrible and unforgivable to me, is because Jesus tells me to. I understand you don't have Jesus as motivation, I'm just coming from my point-of-view. I guess you have to decide what is more important in your life: the beliefs you have about forgiveness and your emotional health OR holding onto bitterness. The only person who gets the crappy end of the stick from unforgiveness is the person who chooses not to forgive.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 8:07 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Here is a question for you, or maybe something to think about. I am not one to usually say this to someone, but just from reading and rereading your post, I decided to throw this into the mix.
    Maybe this is a person that you just cannot, truly forgive. It isnt a terrible thing or makes you a bad person. You may be adding more stress to yourself struggling with trying to find a way to forgive this person rather than looking at other ways/areas to reduce stress in your life. Forgive those you can forgive and dont stress over the one(s) you cant. You are only human. We all are. Look at your positives. Try to focus on the here and now and the future. Try to keep the past in the past. I find writing helps me get out alot of tension. My dh says I write "dark" things (poetry, stories, ect). But once I get pent up emotions out and onto paper, they are gone. Im exhausted but feel so much better after a little while.

    Melindakc

    Answer by Melindakc at 9:14 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I wish I had advice for you apart from God- but alas this is the only way I know. I know first hand how hard it is to forgive when you have been devastated. It is not an easy process. I wish you peace as you go through this.
    ave.maria.

    Answer by ave.maria. at 11:20 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I heard this in one of the Star Trek movies and I thought how true it is. "I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain. It makes me who I am." Painful memories shape who we are, just as pleasant ones do. We would not be the people we are without ALL the experiences we have gone thru, both good and bad. Forgiving is for the weak and powerless...those who aren't strong enough to deal with their suffering. So, no offense, but your counselor is full of it! It is better to deal with your feelings--NOT try to get rid of them. And then get on with your life. I have also had one experience with a person that nearly drove me to suicide. I never forgave her and never will. But I have gone on to live my life my way. I consider that the best revenge!!
    witchqueen

    Answer by witchqueen at 12:00 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

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