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what is wrong with some mother

my Best friend recently lost her husband in a accident. Right after the funeral; she sent her daughter to visit her in law. now she is in vegas, First the daughter lose her dad and her mom act like she is single.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Nov. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Try not to judge her. You do NOT know what it is like nor what she is going through. If she is your friend you will support her in her griefwalk. She probably needed a break from the horrible reality of her life and just wanted to pretend that it all didn't exist for a weekend. Did you ever think that her In-laws probably greatly appreciate getting to spend extra time with the only thing that remains of their son, his daughter? A child shouldn't have to witness the immediate and extreme emotions of a newly grieving widow. If she'd gone to another place that didn't have such a negative reputation, like maybe, Wilmington NC, would you still be in judgement of her? How do you know her and hubby didn't have a conversation about always wanting to go to Vegas together and she was going there for closure as sort of a way to share it with him and NOT to party, gamble and screw around? With friends like you, who needs enemies?

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 9:47 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Just because your husband dies doesn't mean you are sad about it. My dad abused my mom for years and when he died she was glad. She might have sent the daughter to stay with others so the daughter wouldn't see her not being sad about the dad dying.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:48 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I can understand wanting to try to get away from the real world for a while- the reality of bereavement. My thought was that the child must know there is turmoil, extreme turmoil in the circumstances, and want the comfort and reassurance of her mother. So IF the mother had asked me, I would have suggested that she take time now with her daughter and her husband's family (and her own family) to grieve and mourn, and after a while when she felt more settled, to go to Vegas and try to get her spirits raised. However, since I wasn't asked, I wouldn't judge. I haven't walked in her shoes and don't know what is best for her and her child.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:09 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Actually, I came back to apologize. I was upset at you for judging your friend and I judged you in turn. I'm sorry. If you would like to talk to me about what it's like on the "inside" for a woman that deeply loved her husband that died in an accident, PM me. I was harsh with you because I get sick and tired of being judged myself.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 10:35 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Your the only one that is seeing what is happening. If you say she is acting like single person that would mean to me that she is doing things a single person would. Guess there was no love lost. It will come back to bite her in the butt for sending her dd away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I would say that unless you are 100% involved in her thought processes then you can't say what is going on in her mind....don't judge unless you are in that situation.

    Answer by anetrnlov at 12:09 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Ugggh. I know if I was in your friend's position I would need to get away too, because if lost the love of my life, I would be in no way be able to be a good mother to my daughter for quite awhile. She is presumably depressed and maybe just wants to be in another world that doesn't remind her of the Hell that she is going through. Maybe you should put yourself if HER shoes. She put the child in good hands for awhile, it's not like she just left her alone.

    Answer by jmpeskie at 12:19 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • People grieve in different ways. Don't judge unless you've been in her shoes.

    Answer by Fallaya at 12:35 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

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