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would you stay if it wasnt a full-fledged affair?

my husband was talking to another girl for about three weeks,and get this;while i was 7 months pregnant with his second child!i have proof that there was no physical contact,that it was merely a huge ego stroke.we never had issues in the past in this area(weve been married 9 years),belive me there were none of these signs.this particuliar b*%# was after him and had been for a few months!however,it was still wrong and unbelievably hurtful!ive been pondering wether i want to leave or stay,but the thought of putting my 4 month old in day care,or another woman in the future helping to raise them sadens me.what would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Nov. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I'd probably leave him. She's not a bitch, he's a bastard. He's the one married to you, not her.

    Answer by EireLass at 9:55 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • don't leave he is just talking. Maybe you should be the one talking to him about how you feel.

    Answer by gammie at 9:59 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Talk is not enough to break up a marriage over. Since it disturbs you, then get counseling or talk with your religious adviser. But causing the disturbance in the lives of your children because your husband spoke with another woman is something to be avoided if possible.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:01 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • For better or for worse. This is one answer that I don't mind being googled with my profile name.

    Answer by bella69147 at 10:09 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I think he deserves a second chance. I also think that you and he should talk very specifically about why he wandered away from your affections. This could be the best thing that ever happened to your marriage if you have the courage to face it with him openly and honestly. I would even want to know if he had some needs that I wasn't meeting the way he needed me to. That's a hard question to hear the answer to, and you are not excusing his behavior. What he did was wrong, but you still might be able to use it to learn a lot about what your husband needs from you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:15 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • While your husband did something moronic, its not worth ending a marriage over. You both need to be working to restore what broke in your marriage over that, but as long as he's putting in the effort and remorseful, this will probably just be a (bad) bump in the road.
    My DH did something similair while I was pregnant with our second too. It totally tore me up, but I stuck with it. Now I'm just glad because there is a definate "do not cross" line in our marriage that developed off of the internet instead of actual physical contact with someone.
    He's not perfect. He screwed up big. Let him be human. Love him anyway. Work through it and move on.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 10:18 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I fogave mine and it was a full blown affair. it is not about sex.. it is about betrayal. he betrayed your trust.. you do not know what he told her or if he planned on sleeping with her or not.. the fact is that if you do not believe that you can trust him.. he went looking for something else and he found it. he didnt care that it would hurt u.. after 9 years he knows what is appropriate or not.. how would he feel if you did that.. forgiving his is not about him, its about you. i told my husband i stayed with him because of how much i love him and if he wants to prove he can be the grown up responsible type of husband that i need then we will be together if he cannot then we are done. it takes two to make a marriage.. i have to have all of him not just a piece.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Are you planning on leaving every time his ego gets stroked?

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:16 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • i would probably leave him. the trust would be broken & it would never be the same.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:25 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • It is still an affair. My ex husband had both emotionally and physical affair with his current wife. I had a hard time when he stated to take the kids around her but there is nothing you can do as long asw he has visitation. Now if he is a fit father he can bring her around your children. As a mother I had a hard time with it but they are 11 &13 now. That was 12years ago when we first spilt. I would not tolerate a affair of any kind but that is me. If you can get past it then good for you. Try talking to him or conseling if you can. I hope everything works out for you it is so hard when kids are involved.

    Answer by seashore29 at 11:39 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

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