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why does it bother me that my boyfriend still talks to his ex wife several times a day??

my boyfriend has 2 kids 11 and 14 mine are grown and in college but he talks to his ex a couple times a day about what they are doing with the kids ,bills and kid activitys.. 9 times out of ten she is calling or texting him..we have been dating a year and now he and kids have moved in..we usally only fight about this...I know he dont want her back..and she has boyfriend too..i think she just feel she wants to still control him.. will I ever get over this part??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Nov. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Don't invest any more time with this man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • My ex used to call me every day, I rarely called him. After we both got married he called less. That is his relationship with the mother of his children. People have relationships with multiple people. It doesn't sound like it is causing drama. I would stay out of it. If the calls are coming at a bad time then you might ask him to arrange for their calls to be during the day and not the evening or whatever.

    Answer by Gailll at 12:06 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I talk to my ex husband about 3 times a day. We have small children and we are still a family in a way. His new wife hates we get along but we do. My husband understands and is friends with my ex now. We just were not compatible but we both love our kids. She got mad when I called about our 5 year old losing a tooth. I thought he would want to know and he did. It is not about control it is about letting the other parent know things they might find important. She is not going anywhere and you should be glad they do get along. Means things are less stressful for the kids. She was there first and is still a part of his life. You either learn to deal with it or move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Set boundaries. Tell him to limit communications with her or tell her/or both.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:08 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • If their kids are THAT old they don't need to talk that frequently. Once every other day should be sufficient unless their is a "situation".

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • As long as they are talking about matters pertaining to the kids then I think you should let it go. You say you know he doesn't want her back. They are still partners in raising the children and it is good for the kids to have their parents working together on good terms. It sounds like your relationship is going well and he obviouisly can't cut off contact with the ex regardess. If she is calling during date night or dinnertime then he can set some boundaries as far as when he is available. It shows maturity on your man's part that he can maintain an amicable relationship with the ex for the sake of his responsibility to his children. And making an issue out of this could drive a wedge between you that would not be worth it.

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:40 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I think it's great that both parents are so involved. He's not interested in getting back together with her, she's not interested in getting back together with him, they're just both interested in what's going on with their kids. Any couple that's still married certainly talks about what's going on with the kids more than twice a day, regardless of the age.

    Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?

    Answer by kestrelscall at 3:17 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I think they are talking way too much. If the kids have something important to share with him, they are old enough to call and let him know. I agree with you that it is probably about control on her part. He is having an emotional affair with his ex wife.

    She should only be emailing him unless it is an emergency. And she should only be emailing him about grades, proms or important things that might require his input. Again, the children are old enough to share all the other stuff.

    If he can't take back his life from this woman, you may want to rethink this relationship. They are enmeshed and that takes emotional currency away from you.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:44 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

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