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How do I make my daughter stop questioning my love for her?

My three year old daughter is very sensitive. Whenever she does something that makes me upset and I use a firm tone with her she burts into tears and says "You don't love me anymore!" or "Do you still love me?". I breaks my heart every time and I just don't know what to do. I can't NEVER discipline her or use a firm tone of voice. Any suggestions? I don't want to make her feel that way.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Nov. 14, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (6)
  • use i love u but... when u start to use ur firm voice. like i love u but you know ur not supoed to do this.tell her mommies know what is best

    Answer by angelairelan at 7:34 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I'm sure she knows you love her.

    I'm also sure, as the mother of a 7-year old drama mama and a 4-year old angel boy, that she is saying that because she KNOWS it works. You feel bad for disciplining her - so maybe you won't do it so much!

    If you feel you need to moderate your tone, that's one thing - I've been a screeching harpy more than once (a day). But if you're doing it just to stop the tears, game over - she's won.

    To me, as long as there's more hugging/kissing than yelling, you're doing it right.

    Answer by Wimsey at 7:38 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • Angelairelan has a good suggestion.

    Also, little ones that age have us figured out. They know what tweaks our emotions. So if you are angry and she says those things and you immediately lose your anger and get all huggy with her, she has learned what buttons to push for you. When she says this, say You know that's not so, or You know I love you, and do not let yourself be diverted from the actual subject, which is helping her learn boundaries and acceptable behavior.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:38 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • I agree with the others; I'm sure your little one knows you love her, but she also knows that asking those questions gets rid of Firm Mommy and brings out Soft Mommy. Know what I mean? :) My toddler does it with me too...if she gets in trouble, she throws a fit, then comes in for a gentle hug and a whispered "I love you Mommy". She hopes it means I won't follow through with punishment. So my response is always "I love you too. Now go [pick up your toys] like I asked please." Haha. It's a fine line. It sucks because they break your heart with those kind of things, but you can't melt and relinquish control.

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 8:35 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • ditto aliceryannesmom.

    i've got three - 8,6, and 3 - they pull the burst into tears and 'I love you mommy' or you still love me right mommy?'

    say "yes I still love you, but ... you were wrong/that was not nice/ insert your scolding here...we don't act like that" stay FIRM, don't give in.

    later make sure you do say I love you and a hug.

    after my girls get in trouble I make them come out and say they're sorry then they get an I love you and a hug.

    The minute you do give in they've learned a button to push to get out of a punishment or scolding.

    Answer by hypermamaz at 11:17 PM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • and the Oscar goes toooooo...._______!!!

    lol. Seriously, I would not fret to much over this. My son has just started that to! He's 5 and tells me that if I don't let him (whatever) that I must not love him and he says this all with his best sad and defeated voice. It is a way to manipulate. I do agree that you should always start you discipline with' I love you very much but.... and give a big big hug when its done. You show her love ALL the time I am sure!

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

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