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I don't smoke but going to inlaws house for Thanksgiving, and they all are CHAIN SMOKERS...

I love my inlaws, but they keep saying they don't think I like them (coming from hubby and brother in law). The reason I avoid their house, is because I am a server asthmatic, and very allergic to animals. They (there is 3 in their house) are all chain smokers, and have 5 dogs, and 6 cats in their house! It is a very old home (over 100 years old), and I have problems breathing in there. When I am there I am usually not talk-ative (due to trying to control my breathing). They have told others that I am making my allergies and asthma worse than they really are (my eyes get all puffy and I get hives all over my face and neck).

Now with going there for Thanksgiving I am hoping the weather is warm, so I can just stay outside. The past few years we always had it at our house, since we had a nice large dining room. This year we had to move and downsize and have not enough room to have 3 more people join us (we are a family of 6).


Asked by 54313MomOf4Boys at 12:05 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Holidays

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Answers (13)
  • Just tell them flat out.... "I avoid your house, is because I am a server asthmatic, and very allergic to animals, and I have problems breathing in there. We have 2 kids with asthma and their Doc has specifically stated that we MUST keep them in a smoke free/allergen free enviroment for their health and safety!!" Then if that doesn't do it ask your MIL to accompany you to the your kids next doc visit for a little explanation of the effects of smoke/pet dander on children with asthma and allergies!!!


    Answer by Morgain at 12:55 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • What is your question?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Sorry, I forgot to put that
    How do you explain to your inlaws that you can't spend a lot of time with them because of their habits. Also how do you avoid doing family things with them for the health of yourself and your children...I have 2 of 4 kids that have my allergies and asthma.

    Answer by 54313MomOf4Boys at 12:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • my mother-in -law has the same problem with asthma you could have your husband ask them to put the animals in another room and to not smoke in front of the children most of the smokers in my family will sneak out to the garage or my dad goes to his room when they want to smoke at family gatherings maybe try and have him emphasize the kids allergies or maybe take grandma to the doctors with you so that the doctor can explain the seriousness of yours and the kids allergies


    Answer by jen699 at 12:26 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I feel that it is totally up to your dh to talk to his family and then he needs to say we love coming here but due to the fact that you and his children have all these medical conditions that it might be best if you want us here to consider going to the garage or outside. I knwo that one os a hard one since it is there house but he needs to lay down the law about why you can't be there. I can't stand being around smoke nor cologne/perfumes they give me constant headaches and make it hard for me to breath also. In my home there is no smoking allowed and if you wear anything smelly out the door you go to the water faucet. It's not fun being around all that when you have every right to enjoy yourself too.I don't say much when I go to others homes about the perfume/cologne wearing but if I know they smoke inside I avoid them like my mom and my stepdad I hate going there & won't very often. Just have dh talk to them

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 9:02 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Tell them you and kids are getting the flu.

    Have your husband go and give back some plates. lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Listen, tell the truth! My In-laws are exactly the same, my husbands Mom, 3 of his 4 brothers and his sister are ALL chain smokers. My husband used to but hasn't in years, and I don't. It bothers my breathing and my eyes water. I'm also 8 months pregnant and have a 5 year old from a previous marriage. The one chain smoker lives in the upstairs apartment of our house (we own a double)!

    Last Christmas was my first real family experience with them and thankfully my son wasn't there. But it looked like thick unbreathable fog in the apartment upstairs and it was AWEFUL. I HAD to leave...and shower immediately. They asked DH why I left and he said "She is allergic to the smoke" and he left as well.

    We had to put our feet down and tell his brother NO more smoking in this house because it comes down the stairs and I don't want to breathe it and small like it nor do I want my kids around it.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 2:58 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • They all know flat out to not smoke anywhere near us or we won't go to events with the family anymore. Before DH told his brother no more smoking a few weeks ago they were all here upstairs smoking and trying to celebrate his brothers birthday. They asked why I and my son were downstairs and DH again said: "Well it stinks up here, I don't want Melissa, Jack or the baby breathing in this, in fact I hate it too and I'm just going to have some cake and go"

    They acted like they didn't realize (come on people) put their cigs out and opened the windows and doors for 15 minutes before asking us to come up. It was a nice gesture but it still reeks up there, you can't chain smoke and not expect it to be on the furniture and walls.

    I think a lot of time when it comes to smoking they are so addicted to it they don't realize how inconsiderate they are. I know that my MIL will NOT be allowed.....

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 3:01 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • even hold our daughter if she even smells of smoke. And she talked about staying here to help out for a week or two and I think to thank you, I don't need a woman who smells like an ash tray near my children.

    I spoke up that night and when I did go up there I only stayed for about 5 minutes. I flat out told them all I smell it and it is disgusting and can't breathe and can't put my kids in harms way because of it. Maybe that's why they think i'm a snob, but the health of my kids and myself comes first.

    Don't be afraid to speak up....TELL THEM flat out that because of your allergies and asthma you can't be around all the cigarette smoke. Offer to hold Thanksgiving at your house but tell them you have a NO smoking household and they will have to take it outside.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 3:04 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • At our family functions whomever smokes is asked to smoke either outside or in the garage /patio area. period-no fuss no muss

    Answer by momof4kids257 at 3:28 PM on Nov. 15, 2009