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I have been for married for almost 3 years, we have a beautiful daughter. My husband is always in a bad mood, negative about everything and it's really hard to live with. I can't even remember the last time we have had sex. Everytime I try to talk about it (in a random way) he instantly gets mad or defensive. He works at a restaraunt and doesn't come home until 3 hrs after they close, he jumps into the shower immediate and washes off his "private area" before anything else. I've tried spicing things up in the bedroom but he says "im too tired and im not going to give you pity sex" - ouch. Its been months and months. I feel so distant from him, I feel like I am a single mom (as he is always gone working) that has a roomate that happens to sleep in the same bed as me. To me it sounds like he may be cheatin but Idk. Ive started talking to a friend and am starting to feel "more than a friend" feelings and I feel so dirty. Help?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I feel the same way with my husband, in fact I sleep on our couch and he sleeps in the bed. He talks to his friends more than me, and plays on his x box. we only have sex when had a few beers and even then I don't want it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Don't even compare yourself to a single mom until you know what it's like to be one. As for him cheating, that's not proof he's cheating. Just ask him straight up what he thinks you should do about your needs. If he says it's your problem then do what you have to do. If he is a man he'll step up to the plate and do what a man has to do to keep his woman happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I believe it is important to heal or end this marriage before starting another "relationship" of any kind. You need to decide what you want. As for starting to feel like more than just friends I would recommend keeping my distance. You have the foresight to see what is starting to happen. Step back take a breath. Step outside of yourself and think about what kind of advice you would give somebody. You and your Husband need to have a serious talk about your relationship and whether or not both of you are willing to make this work and then go from there.

    Answer by kc932 at 1:09 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I hate to say it, but it sure sounds to me like he is cheating. Why would he stay after work for three hours every night, and not want to have sex with you? I don't blame you for wanting someone to talk to, but I do agree with the other post. Be a better person that your husband and at least try talking to him first. Then at least you will know you tried everything you could.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I'd have to say he's cheating too. Perhaps try and get proof or just go out and ask him about it. Ask his co workers ask his friends. If he's going to be distant and shady then you have a reason to be curious. Good luck. As for the b**** that told her not to compare herself to a single mom. Its very easy to be a single mom even if your not so she can compare herself all she wants.

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 5:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Something is definetely wrong. Could be that he's depressed, or that his feelings have changed.
    I think I've seen posts about you wondering about him not coming home for so long after his shift before. I'm so sorry if it's the same one, that things haven't improved at all.
    If he's not cheating, he's sure giving every indication that he is but it could be a medical problem with him. Most people do want a shower when they first come home and being around a smoking grill, or greasy food all day/evening I would too (when I worked around food I could smell it really bad on my clothes). If he's working in the kitchen area itself he could be washing his privates first because that's the warmest part of our bodies and being aroung the heat of the cooking could make him uncomfortable/chafed down there.
    I'm not sure what you should do than ask him straight up if he's unhappy in your relationship and what you can do to help.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:32 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • if ur not happy and u have already made ur mind up on what u want,then u know what to do, but if u realy love this guy. tell him ur starting to notice other guys becouse of the way he is and ask him what he wants in this relationship and tell him were its going if nothing changes.

    Answer by angelairelan at 11:37 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Sorry to be so crass but as soon as he gets home, smell his d*ck. Don't let him get in the shower, wrestle him down if you can. The fact that he's running into the shower right after work lets you know something right there, and he's not wanting to have sex? wow. yeah, But don't assume too much. If you are feeling this way come out and ask him, I doubt he'd tell you but at least he'd know you are aware and possibly stop b4 you really find out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

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