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my new hubby won't have sex with me....

So we've been married a month now but we've known each other for about 3 years... He has never really had as much interest in sex as I have... I could literally do it everyday, if not several times a day, he is not like that. He could go 2 or 3 weeks without it and be ok. I have no doubts he loves me. He is literally the perfect husband in every other way, he even does the dishes every night because he knows how much I hate it. He is an amazing father. I couldn't ask for a more perfect man... except the sex... I just don't know how to handle not getting it. Its not like I just sit around and wait for him to make the first move, I start it plenty of times. And when we get going he has no problem doing it, I just wish he wanted it more, that he would start it....
I know nothing is wrong with our relationship, I just need advice on how to handle our very different sex drives...

Answer Question
 
nico409ant

Asked by nico409ant at 2:39 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (72 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Have you told him how much it turns you on when he comes on to you? Have you talked to him about this at all?
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:53 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • oh yeah! I talk about it daily... I am getting more and more comfortable with him and the more we have sex, the more comfortable I feel. For example he is into the whole strip tease kinda thing. I'm pretty shy, but I also realize if I wanna be satisfied, I need to give him what he wants.
    nico409ant

    Answer by nico409ant at 3:12 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • have you done any research into his diet and if any of his regular foods could be effecting his drive? have you looked in to alternative herbs and things to help stimulate drive? Have you spoken to a doctor?
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:16 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • wow, I never thought of any of that stuff. I know people told me it was normal right after having a baby that sometimes the man can loose his drive just like a woman, but that was it. I think were going to look into the other stuff too. Thank you. Those are great ideas!
    nico409ant

    Answer by nico409ant at 3:26 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • ask him what he likes about sex? anything you could do differently or try? and if he doesnt mind, get yourself a toy! it will help satisfy you in the meantime when he doesnt want to, and seeing you play with yourself should definitly turn him on! good luck! let me know how it goes!
    krisew90

    Answer by krisew90 at 3:44 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Is there a vast difference in ages? You may need to learn how to slow your road and meet him halfway. Or, if you're pulling your hair, time to purchase some adult toys. Whatever you do, don't cheat with other men.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 3:55 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • He could be depressed or something, even if he doesn't think he is. there could be something chemically off thats making his drive go down. I'd say look into that, or just try different things to get him interested.. maybe you're not hitting the right buttons or explain to him that you'd like him to start it or get a toy?
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 5:07 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I slipped some wheat germ in to all of my hubby's suppers for a while and he turned in to an animal...I had to stop giving it to him because I finally had enough! lol
    A lot of things affect the sex drive tho and I promise you, if you're asking him every day why he doesn't want to... he won't be able to. It's crazy but they typically can't take pressure to perform, it has reverse effect.
    I'm a doer, not a talker because if I tell him I want it, I'm guaranteed to not get it more often than not. There's some amazing gels/creams out there that would get him in the mood pretty quickly, and if nothing else, there's some amazing toys that would help keep your appetite satisfied till he is in the mood :)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:30 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Maybe hes gay?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • All men are different and yet society expects men to be the aggressor. My new husband told me when we were dating a few months that he is not real sexual. However, what I've discovered is that he is sexual, but not real expressive about it. He just isn't wired to be an aggressor in sex all the time. Sometimes he is - but because he has a career that is intense and we have so much going on with kids, new house, family, etc... those things take over his thoughts and pure sexual energy isn't in his foremost thoughts. With his first marriage, it became a problem because the ex was angry about it and it became a wall between them that expanded to other issues and breakdown of communication.

    Knowing this, I've realized I must be the aggressor more often than not. Not in an obvious way, but I let him know I want him. It works very well for us and we do it at least 2 times a week. We are both very happy.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:53 AM on Nov. 16, 2009

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