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Why wouldn't a birth mom look for her son?

A family member of mine is adopted. He has told me sometimes that he wants to find his birth mom, however he tells me this is not easy and cost too much money. He sometimes feels confused due to the fact that his birth mom has never tried to make contact with him. He is 30 years old, while I continue to assure him he should find her and I would support his decision. I do wonder though as to why she would not have tried to have found him by now.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (35)
  • please also tell your friend that yes some birthmother's dont want to be found there are sooo many reason's why she might not want to be found. like drugs, she could have past away already, also she might not have the strenght to meet him. she back then sometime's (or most) of the time the mom's where forced to place babie's for adoption. but whatever her reason's are or where at the time. tell him she might want to find him or maybe not. i can not speak for her or any birthmom.but tell him to do alot of thinking soul searching before he start's looking, because there is no telling what he might find. he might find her and she might have other children who know or dont know about him. there is sooo much he will have too understand. but no matter what i think allll adopted children need to find there birthmother to find themself's (i hope that makes since) to you. he might be happy with his life but he needs to know and see her

    Answer by juliesmom818 at 12:20 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • being adopted myself, my mom was a drug addict and had a lot of issues, and if she had any issues or what not, she prob. thinks its for the best and doesn't want to upset his life that he has come to accept, and who knows maybe she is looking for him but sometimes its not easy to find someone.. or worst case.. shes passed away

    Answer by alicianana4life at 9:09 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • The birth mother may have gotten pregnant with him at a terrible time in her life, or he may be the product of rape or incest. She may want to forget completely about that time in her life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • The child was up for adoption for a reason. She probably doesn't want to look for him because it will be to hard or she has detached all emotional feelings from him so she wont hurt anymore. There could be numerous reasons. She also probably has moved on with her life and feels like he has a mother and father so she doesnt want to upset his life. She could just be scared that he doesn't want to be found.

    Answer by drs1206 at 9:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • tell him to write a letter to the locator, troy dunn on the We channel. i <3 that show.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:12 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Never been in this situation, but I'd think 1 of 2 things. 1, that the mother gave him up to begin with so since she didn't want him in the first place, she may not want to find him. I know that's not true with all moms that some do it to give the child a better life if they can't provide for them, but there are those women out there who do get pregnant and just don't ever want anything to do with the child. 2. she may want to find him so bad, but knows it may just complicate things in his life and doesn't want to offend the adoptive parents. I do know one of my mom's friends had 2 adopted children and when her son turned 18, he went and found his birth mother and moved in with her and I know that was real hard on his adoptive parents.

    Answer by ABPeterson at 9:14 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • From what I do know his birth mom was young about 17 or 18. He was placed into foster care and his birth mom did visit him up until he was 5 months and then she placed him for adoption. She was young and supposedly her parents would not help or support her if she kept the baby. I cannot ever imagine how she felt. The fact that he was in foster care for 5 months told me of the hard decision she had to make. I keep telling him of the love she has for him, however he seems confused. Where do we even start to look? I have to know this is what he wants, even though I feel it is important he still seems undecided.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Maybe she HAS looked! My mom looked for my sister for YEARS and hit one legal wall after another. Then one day my sister called us... that was 20 years ago this week!

    Answer by DaphneMae at 9:30 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Poor guy, you never know maybe his mom has tried in the past, or she could be passed away, or anything. He has an empty void, but he has family who loves and cares for him just like the rest of us, he needs to focus more on the family and loved one's he does have.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 9:36 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • well , usaly every one that gives a child up for adotion always asumes that the kid will come and look for them(the parent) becouse thats how it always works,or in a situaton like my sister she lost both her kids due to drugs,she has tried to contact her kids and no luck,he kids new parents wont give them info abour there mom and vise versa

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:41 AM on Nov. 15, 2009