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How should I handle it when my Mom stops talking to me?

Hi - my mother recently moved in with me (she's 61 and going through a divorce). We've always been really close and got along great until now. I have done my best to make her feel at home. We do have really different personalities, but it never seemed to be an issue before. She moved in with me (about 3 months ago) and about once per week she will just stop talking to me. Sometimes it lasts for a day and occasionally several days. I'm not aware of anything I've done or not done to cause this. I did ask her one time what was wrong and she said nothing was wrong. That's obviously not the case and I don't understand why she won't tell me. It's extremely uncomfortable living in the same house with someone when they're giving me the silent treatment. She has nowhere else to go, but I don't know how much longer I can live like this. Some days she has me in tears and I feel like I don't belong in my own house. Any advice?

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Asked by Calynn810 at 10:41 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • You should just tell her. If something is wrong just to tell you.

    Me personally as long as she is paying her half of the bills and helping around the house. And as long as she is not yelling and screeming at me. I would not care if she ever talked to me.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:49 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Thanks Louise, but I DO care when she doesn't talk to me. We used to be best friends. And, I have asked her to tell me what's wrong but she won't. I would really like to salvage our relationship and fix whatever's wrong, but I don't know how to do that if she won't tell me. She's not usually a moody person either. That's why I can't figure this out. She's not upset about the divorce or anything else - she just told me that yesterday morning. It's maddening constantly trying to figure out what I did/didn't do. Her soon to be ex-husband used to give her the silent treatment all the time and she hated it, so I can't understand why she's now doing it to me. She knows how frustrating it is.

    Answer by Calynn810 at 11:02 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Ending relationships isn't easy. I'm sure she is having a hard time dealing with it and that may be why she goes silent, it's not against you but you see it that way. I get really on the edge when something is bothering me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Thanks anonymous, but I know it's me. When something's bothering her, I am the first one she talks to about it. Well, except when I'm bothering her...

    Answer by Calynn810 at 11:12 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I agree with anon. If you really feel that it's you then I would have a heart to heart with her. Maybe she will open up to you and let you know what's going on. In my opinion, I really feel that she is having good days and bad days since she is having to deal with a divorce and since you are under the same roof, you are becoming a victim to her depression. Maybe go buy her some flowers and tell her that if she ever needs you, that you will be there for her and that you are not sure why she upset with you but that you are sorry... IDK. I hope things get better and I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 11:32 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I agree with proudmom_5703

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:30 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Just leave her alone. I'm an older mom and if I were forced to move in with one of my kids I'd do the same thing. It's mostly that we need time to think & reflect and adjust. I personally need my private time. I do NOT want to talk to people during those times. There is nothing wrong. I just want that time to myself. Her whole world has changed and she has to learn to fit in. She can't do that if you want to chat all the time. If you were close then it's fine. She'll come to you if there is a problem. Just treat her like any other family member in the home, not a guest. She wants to feel a part of the family, not like someone you feel you have to entertain all the time.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:46 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I agree with admckenzie. When she's silent just keep doing what you're doing and maybe say "you look upset and I'm sorry if I did anything and I know it's rough on you right now, and I'm here if and when you want to talk, I love you".
    When two families/women have to live in the same house it's hard, even mother and daughter because no two people do things alike and after so many years of having your own home, you're used to things your way "what to watch, what to eat, when and where you can read, if you can run thru the house naked because you forgot the towel etc". It's an adjustment for everyone to make.
    Treat her like you would a friend as much as possible.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:59 PM on Nov. 15, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

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