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Do you really think birthmoms are so unselfish?

everyones entitled to their opinion, so dont get mad at me for mine!! I hear people say that giving your child up for adoption is so unselfish & i just dont get it. I know people who were adopted & they are all sad about it, i watch the Locator on We tv & the people who were adopted are always upset, crying, saying they have so many questions, they just want to know why etc. - and the birthmoms, they made a baby & then didnt want it, they gave it away! i dont buy those excuses that they did it for the baby. alls a baby REALLY NEEDS is love & u birthmoms say you have that so whats the problem? i dont care if my mom was poor as shit, i would rather her have kept me then give me away to rich people. i cant help but feel like mothers who give their babys away are some of the MOST selfish women ever. i almost thought i was going to change my mind last night when i was watching the locator ... (CONT)


Asked by PURPULbutterfly at 11:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2009 in Adoption

Level 23 (17,427 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (70)
  • Actually I think if someone gets pregnant and doesnt want the baby and gives it up instead of "manning up" so to speak that is selfish. I think if a Mother is being a surrogate for someone or has opted to get pregnant for a less fortunate couple they know. Its not selfish, but to get knocked up and not want the child is very selfish... I dont know who has been saying otherwise... These women need to get their ovaries ripped out and never have kids again.... It ends up hurting a lot of kids. Some kids dont get adopted and stay in the system their whole life. Some kids get adopted by good people and others bad people.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I dont know if any of you saw this episode last night, the 22 yr old boy who was adopted in utah, played in a band.. it was such a sweet story and the adopted parents, the adopted boy & his birthmom & family all seemed so happy about it, but then i saw the boys face, when
    he met his bio brother, who was only 4 yrs younger then him, and i thought, he is probably thinking, why me? why was i the one you gave away? then a short 4 yrs later you kept him, & then your other 2 kids. and then the boy said "this is wild, ive never had blood relatives before." imagine what that must feel like. and sure your giving a great gift to the people who adopt your baby, but theres so many 2 3 4 5 yr olds who havent had parents there whole lives. but nobody wants to adopt them.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • when people dont want to own up to their responsibilty by getting an abortion, its a horrible thing. but when people dont want to own up to their responsibilty by giving their child up for adoption, its this wonderful great thing. WHATEVER. makes no sense to me.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:12 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • I say yes and no because yes they're unselfish in the aspect that they're giving up their child even though it's very painful because they want the child to have a good life. But no because they're also giving away that child so they can go on with their own life without the trouble of a baby to take care of!! But it's much better than aborting cause at least their child gets an opportunity at life, instead of dying for the mother to live life as she pleases!!

    Answer by nellyb118 at 11:17 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Im anon 16

    I dont think abortion is the way to go either. Thats just as bad. Killing someone instead of basically throwing them to the curb. No like i said before these women need to not have children anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • That's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. I know what I did was cowardly and a huge mistake. It's assholes like you that make me never want to talk about her because nobody understands the feelings of failure, the emotions that you face when you believe that you're not good enough to raise your own child.

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:41 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • Yes, they are unselfish. Research has shown that women who give up their babies do so under the impression that they are inadequate parents and that their children would be better off without them. The severance of the eternal and sacred mother-child bond because you want your child to have a better life is extremely selfless. HOWEVER, it is MISINFORMED selflessness. A child, when and if at ALL possible, is better of his his or her natural mother if his or her mother is willing to parent.

    What is selfish is a society that things that seperating a mother and child forever, over temporary financial issues is OK. What is selfish is that society views and treats these women, children, minorities, impoverished and disabled this way. What is selfish is an agency or *some* adoptive parents that think it's OK to ask an improverished, single woman for her child and expect to receive it. (cont.)

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:06 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • It's a lose-lose situation.

    On one hand you would find yourself raising a child when you know you really don't have the means to do so. Or the emotional stability, or whatever the reason may be.

    On the other hand, you are giving a piece of you away, possibly forever, so they can have a better life. But you will likely never see that child again.

    Some situations may be selfish, but it's very judgmental to categorize ALL birth mothers as selfish or unselfish.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • What makes me sick is that society really would call a woman selfish for wanting to keep her child, instead of helping her with finances and resources to keep her family together.

    A few days ago, I commented as much on a question and was told by someone who had considered adoption when she thought she was pregnant that it makes her will that I would think a birth mother would be so selfish as to keep a child when she can't care for it. As an adopted person who knows my biological mother gave me up because she was on welfare and without resources, even though she originally wanted to parent--it broke my heart that women really view other women that way.

    I had a positive adoption experience and I love my adoptive parents very much. However, it does not come without a price. I may live with an incomplete identity and feelings of loss and longing for the rest of my life.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:10 PM on Nov. 15, 2009

  • If you give up one child its one thing but I know a girl who has given up four kids for adoption and aborted three more. She has one child that for whatever reason she kept. I think that is horribly selfish. She is using adoption and abortion as a form of "birth control" and that is selfish and disgusting. Now if you had one oops its one thing but to do it over and over without remorse is straight up child abuse. More so than the children she adopted out I feel sorry for the one that she kept.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Nov. 15, 2009