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How to make it work when you have MAJOR money issues?

I have been with my bf on and off for almost 7 years. (we took a long break for almost 2 years after our child was born). We owned a bar together at the begining, he ran alot of customers away with his drinking. I made him get a different job and ran the bar alone (lots of long long days and I had a 1st grader of my own at home) he took a job in construction (he loves working with his hands) but kept getting laid off and drinking the entire time he was out of work. I finally got the bar business built up enough to find a buyer and sold it. I went to work as a legal assitant and back to school to get my paralegal degree, he found another job and was out of town all the time but never bringing home enough money to support him out of town and us in town. I finally got fed up with hid partying out of town and i busting ass at home and left town (moved in w/parents in new town and cont work and school)
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roxyann76

Asked by roxyann76 at 11:59 AM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (115 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I dunno, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs b/c of my husband, now the credit card company is trying to take me to court, I am 8 months preg. no job and financially abandoned from hubby, noe of our bills are getting paid and I'm trying to get on assistance. When I'm able to go back to work I will pay and suffer till it's paid off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Roxyann, you haven't finished your tale but I'll tell you what I see as the problem here.

    It's NOT the money.

    It's the DRINKING. Have you two dealt with that? If not, it won't work even if you were rich.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • He quit the drinking and wanted to move up here with me to really make it work, he missed his family and missed me. He has made no money at his new job, found another and i know he is working very hard at the training and he says it has the potiental of making 100,000 a year or more. my issue is our phones just got shut off, i personally have paid all the bills for the last 3 months now my savings is gone! and this month i could only afford my half of rent, and paid all of daycare and my auto withdrawals from my account. soon our tv n internet will be shut off d i'm waiting for our notice from our landlord.

    I love him but I cant live like this. I'm not vain, we dont have a fancy place. My car is paid for and I got it 4 years ago. I work my butt off and I had to put back groceries last week cuz i didnt have enough money. How does anyone make this work? Can you truley live off love when I resent him now.
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 12:05 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Give up the drinking. Alcoholics Annonymous and Al-Anon (for you). Best of luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • He hasnt stopped the drinking. Stop buying what you can't afford. Do you have a budget?????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • He has stopped the drinking - a budget would constist of only my paycheck anymore. When we moved in I did my budget - I can afford exactly half of everything and be able to put groceries on the table and gas in my car. the Issue is he hasnt made any freaking money so he hasnt paid any freaking bills and my savings is now gone! I knew the first month would be hard now another job change and i'm still broke waiting for it to start bringing in money. I only get paid once a month so I pay all my bills at the begining I dont wait till thier are due I pay what was half of last month up front for this month. his last paycheck (which has now been a month ago) was for only 120.53!!!! how can i budget with this! When i started applying for 2nd jobs he said no no no i will get one. instead he got a new full time job but still no money has come in.
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 12:21 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • The credit cards can wait. They are not going to take you to court unless it's HIGH dollars and they know they can get their money. It would be a waste of their time. (told to me by the credit card company themselves). By the time you have the child and get back to work they will have charged the card amounts off anyway. So they should be the least of your worries. There is a recession going on. Many folks can't pay bills. Many folks are out of work. So you are not alone. Have you tried getting on a govt housing assistance program? I'd get all the assistance I could get for now then you can get on your feet later. BTW, credit card folks can't take you to court if you are on assistance so tell them that when they call. Tell hubby to try the temporary agencies. If he can't keep a job (or doesn't like a job enough to stay) then this might be the perfect situation for him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:54 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • LOL I have abosultly no Credit cards. The only bills we have are the normal housing bills you would have, Rent, Elect, Gas, Cable, Internet, Phone, Insuarance. When he wanted to move here to work things out I told him my budget for a place that i could afford. When we moved I had savings to pay for all the deposits and the moving truck. I also paid for all the bills for the 2 months. My savings is now gone. He didnt pay for the cobra insurance from his last job for our toddler so she is now uninsured. My insurance will not pick her up cuz its been more then 30 days. She got the flu and I have paid all her dr bills and meds. (called social worker we are trying to get her temp assistance for insurance) and NOW i'm broke. he was to pay the cell bill and now our phones are turned off. i cant even apply for a 2nd job with no number for them to call
    I have no clue when or what he will get paid for the lastest job he's at
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 1:11 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Just because he stopped drinking does not mean he is all better. He has a long history of not being responsible. His drinking was blamed for that. Could be he is just lazy and always will be looking for a quick way out and something to blame his short comings on. If you love him and want to be with him you know that means a life of poverty unless you make the money. If you can live that way stay with him. If you want more out of life and a partner who will help you move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

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