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Any advice? Serious replies only.

My husband won't let me go to my brother's graduation from Navy basic training because "we don't have the money." We do, but my husband would rather spend it on things like Warhammer and brand new Xbox games. We decided together that it would be best if I quit my job and went back to school, so I did (MyCAA is paying for it, not him), and now he's saying that if I can't pay for my plane ticket/gas money, I don't deserve to go. I haven't seen my brother since my wedding when he gave me away, but we see my husband's family all the time. I think he's being unfair. Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It sounds like 1) there's not a real partnership here and 2) your husband is a jerk.

    You need to have a black & white budget that you keep - get YNAB or just use a notebook - know what comes in, what you have in savings, what you're paying off and what's going where. Zero-dollar budgeting is what has worked for us - even with losing my job, we're sleeping OK at night since we know that "every dollar has a job".

    However, all the financial planning in the world isn't going to make your husband less jerky. Good luck with that one.

    Answer by Wimsey at 12:39 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Yes he's being unfair and if my husband did that I would show him I can get my own money by going to financial aid and taking out a school loan to cover the cost. Right or wrong (using a school loan for a trip) I'd do it anyway plus you don't need his signature to get it. As long as you perform well in school and pay it back they won't ask you what you used it for. No man would keep me from seeing my family. Some men just like being controlling.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:48 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Your DH is treating you like a child. You are not in a real realtionship. I agree with Wimsey on this. He thinks sense you are not working you are not contributing financaly he can be the boss of the money.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:52 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • If you have the time, you could get some kind of job and earn the money. If there isn't time for that, you could ask your brother or some other member of the family if they might lend you the money. Then you could get a job when you are back and repay the loan. It bothers me that you didn't see this side of your husband before you married him. If he isn't going to be willing to share with you what he has, your best option is probably to drop out of school and see if you can get your job back. That would be a long-range plan and not helpful to your current problem, but I think you should consider it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:34 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • OP here--thanks, gals!

    I should be fair and clarify it's only very recently (in the past few weeks) that he's been so selfish. He has some kind of problem with my brother, but he didn't have a problem buying my sister a plane ticket. He never even asked for her to pay him back. That wasn't all that long ago.

    Additionally, he's recently made friends with a bunch of guys in his unit who drive sportscars and get into expensive hobbies without talking to their wives about them. They tease him about being "whipped" if we discuss something before he does it. I don't know if he's just asserting his manliness or some kind of crap like that, but he needs to cut it out.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Well assert your womenhood. And stop giving him so much sex. And stop washing his cloths, stuff like that.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:33 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • OP: Haha, he knows better than to think he's gettin' lovins or clean undies when I'm mad at him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Nov. 16, 2009