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Can you ever cure an abusive man?

say everything was PERFECT in a man, and your relationship except for that when he gets mad he cant control his anger and he yells & screams, chokes you, throws you around .. stuff like that. just no punching. he crys and swears he doesnt want to do that, but he just cant control himself when he gets mad. do you think there is a way to "cure" him and help him learn how to control his anger, and would you even want to give him the chance if you really loved everything else about him?

 
PURPULbutterfly

Asked by PURPULbutterfly at 1:14 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 23 (17,427 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • a gun will stop him. and saying that he can't control it is an EXCUSE! He can control it if he wants too AND it's not up to you to 'fix' him, that's his job to fix himself. I would leave because it doesn't take much to go from mom being a punching bag to the kids being next.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:17 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • You mean NOT YET has he PUNCHED. Abusers do NOT change. I just got rid of my second abuser and am sitting here wondering if I should press charges. He's illegal (he's from Haiti and didn't renew some papers years ago) and he's a former criminal (theft) who jst started working his second legitimate job and wants to be a "normal" person. Should I follow through and press charges or ignore him? He's 3 times my size. Hmmmm. My ex commited suicide 12 years after attempting to kill me......

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • No chance. No how.

    LOVING the gun idea.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:18 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Anon, maybe you should choose a different type of guy next time, but I'm sure you've thought of that yourself. I would file charges.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • quote by you:  chokes you, throws you around


    Not cool at all.  Love isn't suppose to be like that.  Sound like an immature person. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Get out.

    Get help.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • You cannot "cure" him, but he can be helped. The way that I would go about this is that I would separate myself from him. I would explain to him the why. I would then tell him that he has said this is not something that he wants to do, and that you do believe him. Tell him you are willing to wait for him if he is willing to get the help that he needs, but you must separate yourself from him until he does. I would say too that it would be a good idea to put some kind of time limit on his getting help. I would then want to talk to whoever had counselled him and get their opinion as to whether or not they think he has been "cured." You could be the incentive that he needs to get the help he needs, but you can't do that if you stay with him. His promises won't be kept. Most men who are angry have issues from early childhood, and the episodes are triggered by something that reminds them. They often don't know what it is.

    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:28 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • You need to get out. He will not be cured. He will not even get close to better until he wants to. You deserve hugs and love, not screaming and pain.
    Wheepingchree

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 1:32 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Living with an abusive person is abusive to your children! Think of them first! He is a grown man and the only thing that will change him is doing time in prison. Maybe when he's 50 and out on parole he will learn how to control himself. Until then, please think of your children. Are these the memories you want them to base their lives on? Violence, abuse, screaming? This will be part of them FOREVER.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • You can't "cure" anyone! Ever! Only yourself! He has to fix himself, get help himself. You should not wait around for him to do so. If he is abusive, leave and don't look back. "Perfect" except this one thing? NOT PERFECT! I don't care what he tells you, you need to leave.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 2:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2009