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Need some advice, what do you think?

My DD is going to be 16 in Jan. She has only one friend that is a girl. Through this one girl she met a ton of boys. She says she does not like girls as they are bitchy and catty. She feels more comfortable with boys. I can understand this to a point. But now especially on weekends she wants to hang out with these friends. Sometimes she is the only girl in a group of 4 or more boys. She has always been a good girl, she gets good grades etc. Seems very responsible. BUT, lately she has been acting like she will just die if we don't let her go hang out with these kids on weekends. I trust her to a point...I trust NO boy at that age. One of whom we know is no longer a virgin. She knows she can come to me for anything, we have an open relationship...but I just worry that she is so freaked out if we tell her she has to stay home. What do you think? What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • i was the same way. at that age, you feel like your not there for one weekend, or one event, your going to miss everything, or you going to miss something important. you know? i feel like it was hard me to realize that my friends arent goin anywhere and if i miss one weekend its not the end of the world, but i felt like it was. plus i just think at that age, socializing is really important, socializing with people your age. she can connect with kids her age in a different way then she can with you. ive also always had more boy friends then girls and i was not a whore. i wouldnt assume right away that shes having sex just because shes hanging out with guys, maybe one of them is her boyfriend and shes afraid to tell you because she doesnt want you to get mad. she can have a nice fun innocent relationship at that age. shes going to be an adult in 2 years. try and have an open mind, be understanding & communicate with her.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:01 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • plus if she does good in school & is a good kid, why not let her hang out with friends on the weekends?
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Through out my life I have always had more guy friends than girlfriends. I felt exactly as your DD. Catty, bitchy, back biting is more the norm than not. My best friend of the last 17 years is a guy. Trust your daughter in this situation until there are clues that it isn't healthy.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:03 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • well, seeing as i was that 1 girl in a group of guys... i can say that its the same friendship connection as with a girl. some of us relate differently, and are just seen as one of the guys. i never slept with or dated any of them, though i myself was not a virgin... that hold no bearing on her decision to have male friends.
    even now, in my 20's, with 3 kids, most all of my friends are men, who range in age from 20-70... and i would never think take into consideration sleeping with any of them.
    if she seems heartbroken because she can't go out, she likely is, just as she would be if there were other girls- thats the only difference in the equation. just always keep in mind, you can get in just as much trouble with a group of girls, that you can a group of boys.
    if she is doing well in school, doesn't have any new weird habits, etc. i would not be concerned. talk to her. thats what you're there for. mom ;)
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:06 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I should have added that one of the boys is her "boyfriend" the one who is not a virgin. My DH and I do NOT like this boy. He comes from a bad home, and is not very respectful of our home when he is here. She knows we don't like him, which makes her all the more defensive. Understandable. We don't want to treat her like Hitler because we know she will rebel. I just have this mom pit of the stomach feeling when I am dropping off my daughter in a crowd of boys...something just dosen't sit right. She WILL be an adult in 2 yrs...and that is a looong time from now! I just worry becuase she went from this good girl to a pissy little thing if she dosen't get her way. I know a lot is her age. I guess I will have to trust her for now. When she goes off to college I hope he is just a memory.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I was always hanging out with more boys than girls, too, and I wasn't having sex with anyone. When you're sixteen, your friends are what's important, what define who you are, and parents are often an embarrassment, since you're trying to figure out who you will be, and they tend to see you as who you were. Don't sweat this. If she's a good kid, she'll be OK.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • i also started dating a scumbag guy around the age of 16, he pretty much stole my innocence and threw it in the garbage. but if you think shes going to loose her virginity to him, i think your better off being open with her & getting her birth control rather then trying to lock her in on the weekends cuz if you do that shes probably just start to rebel, sneak out, not trust you etc.. it must be hard being in your situation because i can only imagine you just want to lock her up until shes older and smarter so that she doesnt make these mistakes and regret them but i dont really think that you can do that, i think you kind of have to let your kids learn from there own mistakes because thats what lifes all about.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:19 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • My sons have mostly female friends. They aren't gay and they aren't out to get some. They just seem to bond better with females. There's nothing wrong with that. If your daughter prefers to hang out with guys I think it's safe to say that she's not in danger of being gang banged or raped, the boys are her friends and they like hanging out with her. Not all teen boys are out for a piece, they (gasp) actually do make friends. As a mother of 4 sons it's offensive that so many people think the worst of all teen boys.

    And btw, 2 years....not such a long time. It will be here before you even realize that 2 years have passed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I hang out with almost entirely guys. Almost always have. Your daughter isn't hanging out guys so she can do stupid things with them. Trust me she gets called all kinds of dirty things behind her back because she does hang out with guys. You say she's a responsible then you can be sure nothing is happening. She's putting up with getting a bad rep to have friends who won't treat her like crap. Be glad she's choosing to have guys as friends because you don't have to deal with her coming home in tears because she's getting betrayed by girls who are out to make her life hell. Let her go spend time with her friends. She'll be the very last girl you have to worrie about turning into a whore if you do.
    jrsjrb

    Answer by jrsjrb at 6:16 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

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