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What would your reaction be if your DH/SO took advantage of you while under the influence?

I have to take Seroquel every night. A side effect is sleepiness. I take a lot more than some do, so when I take the amount I'm supposed to, I sleep like the dead . I only take half (100mg) so I'll be able to function when my 5 month old wakes up. I took the 200mg I'm supposed to on Saturday night because MIL had the kids. DH and I had a HUGE argument about me not wanting sex as I was dozing off. I barely remember my legs being moved. When I got up to pee hours later I realized he'd had sex with me. He swears I was fully aware because I made noise. I don't remember it!!! He's done this before & I griped him out for it. A few years ago, I was drunk and he tried to do anal without my consent. Thank goodness I was able to fight back a little that time. He said its okay because I'm his wife and that I shouldn't be "offended." I'm irate! What would you do in my position? *not divorce*


Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • I think he probably doesn't view this as rape because you are his wife and more than likely, if you had been awake you would have consented. I'm not saying it's in any way right, but I think that's how his mind is working. You need to make him understand that wife or not, having sex wtih someone who is not present enough to consent is wrong and you will not tolerate it. You know him better than we do, so you only you can really say if he actually thought you were awake at the time and if you knew what was going on. But since you didn't, despite what he thought, you need to have a serious talk and tell him if he does it again then you won't stay. Ask him what he would do if someone did that to your children. Even if they were dating, would that be okay? Make him understand the seriousness of it, but if it keeps happening after should really consider if you are safe with him.

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 2:35 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Get a good divorce attorney

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • That is rape. Just because you're married doesn't change anything. If you didn't consent and were not aware it is rape. Offended is putting it nicely. Personally, I'd kick him out and file a police report. But that's just me.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Oh, and clearly he doesn't see anything wrong with it, so it's likely to repeat itself. If divorce isn't an option, then what on earth could you do? I couldn't live with a man who betrayed my trust that way and have to worry when I went to sleep if it was going to happen again. It's selfish and disgusting!

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:21 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • There woulnd't be much to talk about except who gets what. I would be talking to the police as well as an attorney. I'm sorry but what he did was commit an act of violence against you...rape. I am very sorry. Maybe get into some couseling...GL

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:22 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • This is so funny to guys sound just like us. You sound like me and he sounds like my dh  My dh likes to take advantage of me when it's late and he know I am no where near wanting sex so he says ok let's go to sleep I'm like oh ok and at the same time he gives me an Ambien boy was i wrong I probably thought we were going to sleep but my body was He too told me he did this and that and that I enjoyed it, but I do not remember a thing at first I was kind of upset but then I tell myself well shit he wants sex and I don't so he drugs and does I'd rather him do this to me instead of him straying else where I do remember altiitle something but after that who I am starting to think like ur dh we are their wives.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 2:25 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • thats a tough one because im not you and i dont know what it was really like. but the thing about it is, if i was really horny & my SO didnt want to have sex with me because he was tired, honestly, i probably wouldnt really care and i would just take his pants off and force him to have sex with me. lol. it might sound wierd but its happened before! he didnt sleep through the whole thing though. i guess feel like he should just have sex with me when i want to because, just because hes the only person i have sex with so he should. idk. and he likes anal alot too & sometimes im just not in the mood for that and he'll be like i dont care roll over & shit and ill kinda be like no no but eventually give in and its almost kind of a turn on that hes kinda making me because i guess i like to be controlled by a man for some wierd reason, atleast sexually, as long as i love him. not just by any random guy.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Well, if divorce isn't an option for you... all I can say is to get used to it.

    Seriously. He sees nothing wrong with it. He's got no motivation to stop doing it. He knows that you either won't be able to fight him off or won't even remember the incident to begin with.

    It would be one thing if HE were drunk off his ass, you two were having CONSENTUAL sex, he tried to take it a little too far, then showed remorse for it & never did it again. This isn't the case, though. This is a recurring thing even after you've objected.

    So, it will continue until he's too old to get it up... and even then, I'm sure he'll find a way.


    Answer by Laura1229 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • This is so funny to me

    It's a crime. How can that be funny? Being raped is no laughing matter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • sexy to me haha i would love it i mean your married whats the big deal

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Nov. 16, 2009