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friends-cheating spouses-angry husband

one of my friends is having trouble with her marriage. for years, her husband has been struggling with a drug addiction & has been caught cheating multiple times. she's supported him throughout his rehab and encarceration. she recently found his adult-friend-finder accounts & secret life pursuing women. she got fed up & when she met a man she was interested in, she didn't hesitate to pursue him also. she is now also cheating.
i tell my husband everything, including things about my friends because i think he has the right to know what kind of people i'm hanging out with. but now that i told him that she is also cheating, he doesn't want me hanging out with her anymore. although i strongly disagree with her choices, she's still my friend and i don't want cut all ties because my husband is concerned. he also has friends that i know cheat on their wives, but he still hangs out with him. how can we come to an agreement?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • If he hangs out with cheaters he has no right to demand you drop your friend because she cheats. Yes, she is wrong, so is her husband but that is not the point of this. There is no way he can demand you not be her friend if you still want to with the company he is keeping.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 3:42 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Some things should remain personal. He doesn't tell you everything about his friends. Why reciprocate?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • What's good for the goose.... If he can demand that you stop being friends, then you have the same right to request he do the same. If he won't, then he must realize that double standards are not allowed.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 3:17 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I would be furious if my husband kept company with a male friend he knew had such low morals as to cheat on his wife. I would be pissed at hubby.

    It really doesnt matter that her husband is a jerk. She is being immoral. His immorality does not justify in any way her actions. If she wanted a different man then she needed to divorce her currant man.

    She is wrong end of story. As her friend you should point this out (kindly)...but if she chooses to behave so poorly I would suggest you tell her you will be there if she need but that you can not keep her company.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Some things should remain personal. He doesn't tell you everything about his friends. Why reciprocate?

    That is one of the dumbest things I've heard. A marriage is about being able to share anything if you want to. You should be able to tell your spouse anything even if they don't tell you the same details. And from what OP said, it's not exactly personal stuff...if the gf wanted to keep it a secret, she shouldn't have told in the first place.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 3:21 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • i don't think your husband should choose your friends.Does he think somehow she'll be a bad influence on you or something?You're not under his control.You're equals and you should be able to be friends with who you want.
    daisycat78

    Answer by daisycat78 at 3:41 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • OP- i told her from the start i thought she should divorce her husband because he is going to continue to cheat. now that she's cheating, i've told her she needs to decide whether or not she wants to fix her marriage or end it. i love her like a sister, and i don't want to see her jump into another crappy relationship because "new lust" is so good and she's forgotten that the bad stuff comes later when you have too much invested to leave. i want to be there for her in case she gets herself hurt. personally, i think she should go on a break from all men altogether until she figures out what she wants and heals from her husband. but i can't choose for her. it seems my husband is afraid she's going to influence me to cheat, and that angers me because never once have i given him a reason to doubt me, which kinda makes me doubt him. but i just want a way to explain that i dont want to cut her off without causing a big fight
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • My DH and I tell each other everything. He is still friendly with a high school buddy that cheats on his wife, but they don't spend any time together. They occasionally text about work and that's it. I had a friend who was cheating but she wasn't married....she was the other woman. DH said he didn't want me to be friends with her, either. I'm not friends with her any more for several reasons, that included. You know you're judged you by the company you keep. They may be your friend, but if everyone and their mom knows they are cheating, and you are friends, they probably assume you are okay with that.
    Katlyne120806

    Answer by Katlyne120806 at 3:44 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I'm not sure why you want to continue to be friends with someone who goes out of her way to make a bad situation worse, create drama, etc. If the basis of your husband's request is the cheating, let him know you'll agree if he agrees to stop hanging out with his cheating friends.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:38 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Ever heard the old saying "Bad company corrupts good morals"? You and your hubby should both find some new friends that are keeping their marriage vows.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:42 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

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