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10 yr old daughter out of control please HELP

. First let me start by saying her father and I are not together and we have not been since she has been 3yrs old. Her dad has recently married and my daughter does not like her stepmother or so she says. She starts these tantrums and swings at me and slams doors so pitcures fall of the walls, screams at the top of her lungs, she scares her 3 yr old sister. My daughter is the perfect child at school never have any complaints, . I have tried taking things away, she grabs them and puts them back. I unplug her tv box and hide it, she finds it and tells me that this is her stuff and I cannot take them away from her. I really need help. I have looked into counseling but the cost was too expensive. Any advice would be greatly appreciated . Also after the tantrum she alyways wants to start over, not sure what to do. I think it might be time to let her go live with her father. please hel[p

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catseyez

Asked by catseyez at 5:13 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If she does not like or respect the step-mom it will not be a better situation for her and she will likely become less pleasant. If you can't afford paid counseling at least go to the school and talk to the counselor there and see if they can give you any suggestions - they might know of other resources that might be available to you for low or no cost.. If you can find a Love & Logic parenting class, or any other type of parenting class please give that a try. If you can also get her father to try the same parenting technique you will have even better results. If you are married you also need to have your husband on the same page. You cannot let a 10 year old girl ignore your authority and expect her to just pull out of this - you don't want her to be like this going into her teenage years because you know that will turn out badly. The Love & Logic method can really help you get back on track. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • call Supernanny
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Try talking to her at a calm time. See if she can tell you why she acts like that with you and what she thinks will help. Maybe she's afraid that daddy is going to spend less time with her, or something... If it has anything to do with him at all you are also going to have to have a calm talk with him and stepmom. Good luck!
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:35 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • She goes to school. Wait till she's gone, take all her stuff, hide it at someone else's house. tell her it is your job as a mother to provide food, clothing, and shelter- all of which are still available. When she learns to be appreciative of the perks she is handed, she can have them back. When she learns respect, she will earn some. That's it. Don't argue with her or over explain. Just say it and walk away. Let her throw her fit alone. She'll get over it.
    emhain

    Answer by emhain at 5:35 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • By the way, sending her to her dad's is probably a BAD idea. Chances are she feels abandoned by her dad because he has a new wife. A "replacement" kind of thing. If you send her away she will feel abandoned by you too.
    emhain

    Answer by emhain at 5:37 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • i agree with talking to a school counselor. Maybe they can find out what's really going on with her. Maybe her hormones are kicking in, or someone is trying to beat her up at school. she needs an escape for all this anger coming out. Sign her up for kick-boxing class! Or maybe you can just go running with her!
    forevermom75

    Answer by forevermom75 at 5:37 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • You, her father, and the step-mother HAVE TO BE a united front.

    She has to know that the three of you love her and expect better behavior.

    You and the step-mother need to talk more and often. It would be a good idea for the three of you to have a girl's afternoon out.

    Don't be her friend, be her mother.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 5:45 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Take her stuff and put it in a lock box. Also, try looking for therapists who do sliding scale fees, meaning they only charge a small percentage of the actual amount, based on your income. Her father should also be a part of getting her act together too. CONSISTENCY is important, if you say you will do something, you must do it every time.
    NightPhoenix

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 6:11 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Since there is a new woman at dad's house, could it be that she is rearranging the house. maybe dd's has been moved or removed? So she is over protecting her stuff & her space at home?

    Do you have a local Community Mental Health? They can provide free and low cost counseling based on income.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:52 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • 1st you need to find out what is happening over at the other house. She is learning the screaming and other behavior over there. I would not share this with the school. This is not behavior from school. You do not want an issue to arise that the counselor states she needs to be seen by the school Psychologist and this escalates into something more.Take all her things everything that means a lot to her. Send it to a neighbors garage or somewhere. Get the things out of the house. Sit her down in a calm environment. Let her know that she will have to earn all her things back. At this point she should have a bed and blankets only. Give her laundry, dishes etc to do around the house to earn the items back. Let her know you love her but she has lost respect. Ask her what is going on at the other house. You might be amazed. Good luck! You need to handle this first before FREE county counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

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