Deflecting onto me

Wow, she did some damage, but it happens, I've been damamged by some relationships (not physical) and now have trust issues. I probably talk to my husband a certain way b/c of what I've been through.

You mean he's "scolding" you?
I'd have to remind him that I'm not her, and I don't expect the same things from him that she did.
A friend of mine said when her boyfriend gets drunk he starts accusing her of things, and sometimes even calls her by his ex wife's name (his ex was a cheater who left him for another man).

lisa ann p- yes, he is "scolding" me, but, he's saying it in a way that seems almost as if he himself was once scolded for that very same thing. Does that make sense? It doesn't fit his character at all for some of the things he tries and scolds me for. He is an incredibly laid back passive guy and this just does not fit, which is why I question it.

Yes, it happens to children a lot and they grow up damaged over it. This is the first I've heard that a grown man does it ...unless his mom did it too

Oh my gosh, I am so happy that you asked this question. I dont think I have ever thought about it that much, but I am going through the same thing...
My husband was with a girl for almost 7 years and she was a total controller... very very aggressive and bitchy all the time. That's so not me... but I see glimpses of the way he must have been with her every now and then.

Yep this has happened with my hubby. Makes me wonder what scars my ex left on me. He used to lie sometimes but he'd end up speaking the truth or id find out with out trying so...he's a bad liar and I've told him that. I've told him that he doesn't need to lie to me the way he did to her. He put all his pics of him and exes including her into a box and hid it from me. I told him this was weird because I have my pics of me and my exes in my photo album and i do not feel the need to hide it. I think he did this because he thought I would get upset about them. But I must admit she did teach him a couple things I'm glad she did or I wouldn't have given him the time of day like having poster girls up in not cool. And she also promoted the concept that watching porn with out me is not okay too. I've haven't caught him in any lies lately tho so he either stopped or got better.