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Ex & Fam not wanting to see DD

My ex and I started dating when I was 5 months pregnant. As far as my dd knows, that is her dad. His family is her family.

We split on June and until August he and his dad still saw her on weekends, but it gradually faded out until they dont see or call her at all now.

I sent ex an email and he said he thought it best if they didnt have anymore contact with my dd.

She asked me tonight when she can go to papa's (ex's dad) house again and I just dont know what to tell her, to explain it with the least amount of hurt.
Any opinions?

She's 5 btw


Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Nov. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • OP here:

    pagirl71I didnt say he was to blame. I didnt say anything about him making this decision or moving on. I didnt say that he or his family should explain it to her. I accept their decision. I understand why they made it. Our divorce is final in December, his name is not on her birth certificate, he never adopted her. I understand the need for a clean break.

    I KNOW that I am the one that needs to explain this and I was simply asking for opinions on the gentlest way to do it.

    Your assumption of "No I'm not really sure who or how many men could be your father sorry go ask mommmy." is ridiculous. You dont know me, or anything about my sexual past. I am 27 years old and Ive been with a whopping TWO people.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Is he on the birth certificate? If so he is dad until he goes to court to have his name removed. If not then you need to be honest and explain the best you can that he has decided not to be daddy anymore, its gonna be hard but better to start now rather then her grow up even more hurt by this so called man. Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • Call the father and tell him what you've told us. Perhaps he is hurting over the break-up, and just needed some time to sort things out. Tell him that his daughter is asking to see him, and see what he says. Don't give up on him. Have your daughter call him, send him drawing she has colored, etc. Show him how great it is to be a father. I'm sure he'll come around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on Nov. 16, 2009

  • I'd tell them you are going to bring her over so they can explain it to her. Let them look her in the face and say that to her. Doubt they could do it!!! What a-holes!!


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • The way I see it is if they dont want to see her then I would not push it! Just tell her that she can not see him. And distract her with something else. That is a sucky situation but you hav eto do whats best for your LO. And they oviously are not it.

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 2:58 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Perhaps you should let DD call him. Let him explain it to her. Be prepared for her to go through the grieving process.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:27 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • sorry but I'm going to say I really can't believe your all blaming him. And calling him and his family a holes. Really? hmmm, he isn't her biological dad. Mom and the ex boyfriend have mislead this child into believing a false idea. Why should he be the one to explain. Mom your just as guilty and now mad cause this man who isn't the father wants to close this chapter of his life and move on. You as her mom need to tell the baby that so and so isn't her dad and that he will n ot be coming around. Force them into maintaining this false relationship and he just may turn into this Ahole you all claim he is and might tell her things you don't want her to know and not be nice about it. I can see the conversation now-no honey I'm not your mom was preganat with another man's baby (you) when we got together. No I'm not really sure who or how many men could be your father sorry go ask mommmy. Then do you want to explain more?

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:50 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • cont..

    try to be honest with her now. Either way she's going to be upset. But do you want her thinking anything but the truth. And be prepared to face her finding out her dad as she gets older. You made this lie now YOU need to deal with it. Not him or his family. Sorry.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:52 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • This is the time to be honest with her about her father. You may want to get guidance from a family therapist.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:57 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • OP those remarks I made were being directed at the other posters who all are calling him a loser and Ahole and such. I don't know you. My point being and NO i didn't call you anything your claiming is that if you show up at his door and demand he do the explaining may make him turn ugly, defensive and god knows what he'd say. It's better if you tell her instead of forcing two people that have made it clear they do not want to be a part of this any longer to explain something that is now really something your going to have to do. Sorry if you thought I was attacking you that was not my objective. Just trying to say if you go there and confront you may not get a happy response from them but the total opposite. And then your going to be SOL.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:18 AM on Nov. 18, 2009