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Open relationships

So a good 90% of the posts I see around here are about cheating or porn, so I've been seriously wondering how many of us there are around here. Who else is in a happy open relationship?
Before you criticize, no, it's absolutely not for everyone. You have to be mature, confident in yourself, and be able to communicate very well with your partner. Yes, if done badly it can ruin relationships. We all know that. Please don't bring up the 'it's immoral' thing--it isn't to me and your morals aren't mine. I'm just wondering if there are very many of us out there and what our relationships are like. If you feel like sharing more, why/how did you decide to be in an open relationship? Was it your choice, or did your partner have to persuade you, or did you have to persuade them? Do/will you tell your children?

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Asked by Beichan at 1:55 AM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (35)
  • For us, our only real 'rules' are 1. BE SAFE! 2. Let the other person know what we're doing and with who. 3. Don't hurt anybody. 4. Don't lie to people about our relationship.
    At the moment, I don't have anyone else, my husband has a girl. She's pretty awesome, we're good friends. He wants a threesome, and I'd like to, but probably not with her. I'm not that attracted to her. We're both bi, and sadly our tastes don't mesh up as often as we'd like. I'm a lot pickier about girls than he is, haha. I think girls tend to be a lot pickier about girls in general.
    As to why, I don't really believe people are meant to be monogamous and I don't see the necessity. I don't own his body and he doesn't own mine.
    I suggested it, and he agreed readily.
    No, our kids are not going to know about this. Maybe when they're older we won't try as hard to hide it, but I doubt it. Why would they need to know?

    Answer by Beichan at 1:57 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • How can you even say, don't bring up the immoral thing? A marriage is between one man and one woman. Why did you bother getting married if you wanted to see other people? That is crazy to me and I am entitled to my opinion. If your going to post a question like that here then ppl r going to give their opinions I don't know what cafe mom site your on but I don't see 90% of the posts about porn or cheating! Why would you even considered bringing children into it? That is so messed up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I said please don't, that doesn't mean I didn't know people would bring it up. It was a request. The answer is--I got married because of taxes and insurance! We wouldn'tve otherwise, we're not religious and there wouldn'tve been a point.

    Answer by Beichan at 2:06 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • No, thanks, I'm rather in love with my husband :)

    Answer by Beichan at 2:10 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Taxes and insurance. I feel sorry for your poor child! What a terrible enviroment to grow up in. WTH, you just said you got married for taxes and ins. So what is it? NO WAY are you in love with your husband if you would sleep with someone else or be okay with him doing it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • We used to be into swinging (kinda soft core though lol) anyway, I PM'd you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • My opinion is that if i was IN love with someone, I just wouldnt want to be with anyone else, grosses me out the thought of someone else touching me. seriously how does it not turn your stomach to "share"? each his or her own, but I do have to agree that I dont think its a good environment to have kids in. what does it teach them about commitment? and sorry but it is about morality, just because you choose to create your own, go against the grain...doesnt make it ok. it just makes it very hedonistic. and they will find out on their ow, people talk . I dont know, should you talk to them about it so its not told to them in a cruel way? sometihing to consider, tho i wouldnt want to have to have that lil chat with my children. and I am on cafemom all the time and this is seriously the first question I have seen about this, no where near 90% posting on porn and cheating.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 2:24 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I love how judgmental women on CM are. Obviously you knew with this topic you would get these sort of comments, but calling you a slut?! Someone needs to grow up. If it works for you and your husband that's good.

    I'm not into a open relationship, but it's not because I'm insecure, immature, or unable to communicate with my husband. It's just not our thing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • The 90% on cheating and porn was in the relationships section only, I meant, not ALL the questions, and yes, it's a bit of an exaggeration, but every day I see people asking if we think their husband is cheating or how to get over an affair or whether they should cheat and how to make their husband stop watching porn etc. and it's all baffling to me.
    As far as them finding out, we're NEVER going to do it with the kids around and not enough people know for them to find out by gossip. If it comes down to it, we don't have to. We have a perfectly good sex life of our own, the outside thing is just for fun. We'll always choose them over fun.

    Answer by Beichan at 2:30 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • "I'm not into a open relationship, but it's not because I'm insecure, immature, or unable to communicate with my husband. It's just not our thing."

    Oh, I didn't mean to insinuate that if you weren't into it you were any of those things, just that if someone WAS those things an open relationship wouldn't be a good idea. If it's just not your thing, it's just not, period.

    Answer by Beichan at 2:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

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