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Should I Tell My Ex's Family That I Am Having His Child?

My ex-boyfriend & I HAD a great relationship. We're both in our 30's, w/successful careers. We have no children. This was an unplanned pregnancy, but we chose to keep the baby.

During my 4th mo., he "Changed His Mind". He comes from a very religious family & stated he was concerned about pregnancy out of wed-lock & opted to leave us. He never told his parents about the pregnancy.

I took on ALL the responsibilities. There's been very little contact between us. He never "came around". I'm now due in ONE week.

I'd love for my child to know her other family & heritage. I'm NOT seeking any money nor to bad-mouth him or rekindle. It's their First Grandchild & I believe they have a right to know about the upcoming birth. They may or may not want to be a part of this child's life.

I'm torn. Should I tell them? If yes, HOW? NOW... A week before my due date? Or just show up to their house with the baby???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:00 AM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • I would want to know if my son (when he grows up) was having a baby. I think it may be a little shocking if you show up on their doorstep. I would call and tell them first. Also, if I were you, I would want child support for my baby. Its his child too. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I would tell them as soon as possible. I'd also contact him and let him know that you intend to do that. Whether you want to pursue your legal rights to get child support or not, I think its only fair to let them know. If you are okay with them wanting to be a part of the child's life, then let them have their chance. If they don't want to, then at least you told them.
    Katlyne120806

    Answer by Katlyne120806 at 7:33 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I think they have a right to know their grandchild, and your baby has a right to know his or her heritage. Be understanding, though, and if there is an initial rejection, just tell them if they ever change their mind, all they ahve to do is call. Depending on their beliefs on the matter, it may be hard for them to accept at first, especially since they didn't have the pregnancy time to get used to the idea. Then again, they may surprise you and be eager to be a part of the baby's life. If I were you I would call first, and offer to send pictures in the mail.
    mamapotter

    Answer by mamapotter at 7:40 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • You have to call and tell him first. It would be best to tell them together. Make sure he is on the birth certificate if noting else. At least his child would have something proving he/she has a father. Who knows maybe after the birth he will step up and be a real man and father the child he help to create.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 8:47 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the above. His name needs to be on the birth certificate so the child will be able to know their biological history should it be needed later on (diabetes, heart disease, other genetic problems, etc) and I know that I would want to know if I had a grandchild. Make it very clear from the start that you are not looking for financial help. I am thinking that it may not be a good idea to tell him that you are going to do this, however. He has forfeited any rights to being considered, in my opinion, and you don't want him to get there first and tell them mean or untrue things to discredit you. It is outrageous that he was OK with extra-marital sex but doesn't want anything to do with the results of this.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:30 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I think it would be best to let tehm know over the phone or in a letter, whatever is most comfortable for you, and then if they want to be part of your baby's life they can contact you. If not you know you tried and that should be something that you can live with.
    Gigi76825

    Answer by Gigi76825 at 9:31 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I think you should tell them. I would give them a call and let them know about the situation between you and your ex. Make sure you tell them you're not seeking any financial support, you just felt they should know about their grandchild.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • You definatly should.....just because he doesnt want to be a part of you baby's life, doesnt mean his family wouldnt. And if they say they dont want to, you need to tell them that you still need to know the medical history for your baby's well being.
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 1:28 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Wow! You've all brought up good points! I'm glad I asked!

    BIRTH CERTIFICATE- He changed his mind about this too & does NOT wish to sign it. By law in our state, I cant put his name on it. Later on, I can petition a court judge to put his name on it following a paternity test.

    SUPPORT- I thought we could work it out amicably but it was HIS request that the case be heard in court. I was shocked! He wants to hear it come from a judge. Due to my income, he feels he wont be obligated to pay that much in support. He's delusional & in denial.

    GRANDPARENTS- They should know! I would be delighted if they & my child could have a relationship. My door would always be open for visits, etc... Should they choose NOT to accept this child, that's their decision & I will accept it.

    But, because he's tried so fervently to keep this his dirty secret, I agree that he may try to make up some unfavorable tales about me.
    Elizabeth126

    Answer by Elizabeth126 at 11:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Oh and yes, I think the phone call first OR a letter with photos enclosed would be a better approach than just ringing the doorbell and saying "Surprise"!

    I will stress to them that I am NOT seeking any financial support from them. And the medical history IS crucial and something that I do not have. Thanks for that reminder too!

    And also true is that THEY did not have all these months to digest the thought of becoming grandparents. It will no doubt be a shock to the family. You're right... I'm sure they will need some time to let it all sink in.
    Elizabeth126

    Answer by Elizabeth126 at 11:53 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

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