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Do you get angry easily? What do you do about it?

I have been with my husband for 5 years and he has been depressed for a while. We didn't know he was until a few months ago. It has been a long and hard ride until now. I have lots of unresolved anger and when he says certain things or does certain things I feel myself get angry so easily. I don't like it. I think that when I do that I am more likely to explode at him and I don't want that because I do not want to fight with him. Taking a time out to cool down doesn't really work either. He is still there.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Get a diary. You don't have to censor anything in there its all yours. I know he is still in the house but,just go to a different room and write. Thats what i do and it helps me.
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 9:34 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • It is possible that your quick anger is the result of the "camel's back." The camel carried the straw just fine but one more straw was enough to wipe him out. You have been under considerable stress, and one more stressful event just throws you over the edge. If you weren't already stressed out, you could probably go with the flow, but in your already stressed condition you can't. You should talk with your doctor about this so that you can make sure there isn't a physical reason. After that, then maybe talk with your religious adviser or a counselor. Yoga may help, and stress control classes. Good luck with this.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:35 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Anger is almost always fear based.

    Sounds like you feel you have limited options and are letting your emotions and your expectations of your husband's reactions control the situation. Some years ago someone showed me something simple that helped me quite a bit... make four columns: What the situation is, what you are thinking, what you are feeling, and what are the options. Sometimes just sorting things out and looking at them is B&W helps your perspective.

    Another tip that has helped me is to think about what it is you're trying to accomplish before you being speaking... if you just want him to listen, make sure to not attack but talk about your own feelings. If you want him to do something, be clear about that and try to let your goal in speaking guide your words.

    I have dealt with bottled up anger frequently in my lifetime. Since I'm almost out of characters, can't share much more. Feel free to PM.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:16 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • OMG.. We are living the same life.. I could have written your post.. I try to take a time out to cool off.. He is still there.. I mean literally.. He wont leave me alone to cool off.. Even when I ask nicely.. Like a yippee dog nipping at my heels.. I try and try to keep my emotions intact for as long as possible but I keep getting nipped at.. It's one thing if I didnt ask for some cool down/quiet time..
    Hang in there, I wish I had some advice for you..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • OP:....Maybe some of my anger is fear based. I expect him to be mean and I guard myself. I try to calm down before proceeding but he won't give me the space. I think he is driven by some insecurity. I care for him and don't want to leave him but I think he knows that he has over loaded me with stress when he is mean and makes things harder for no reason. So he will follow me and smother me with apologies and I am glad he will apologize but the point is that I need to be heard and I am still not being heard when he smothers me like that and it leads to anger and then he turns on me. He can't deal with me being angry at all. But I'm like...well then back off some. Allow me some room to speak up and don't just get defensive and start attacking me with aplogies...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • As I said before.. We are TOTALLY living the same life.. Right down to what you said about all the apologies... Day in and day out... Seems to never stop!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

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