Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is the difference between a man who is physically abusive & a man who cheats?

i see so many questions on here where a wife is asking what she should do about her husband cheating on her and so many women on here tell her "go to counseling, work it out, you can do it, i did it" etc., but i posted a question on here yesterday about my SO choking me & etc. and almost all the replys i got were saying "leave him, he'll never change, dont even try". Im not trying to make physical abuse seem any better, i think they are both horrible. but IMO, cheating is not only emotional abuse but its sexual abuse. a cheating husband doesnt give a shit if he brings you home AIDS or STD's and doesnt care how he makes you feel emotionally. so what really is the difference? why are you so quick to say to leave a physical abuser, but if he cheats, youll work it out? i dont get it.


Asked by PURPULbutterfly at 10:03 AM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 23 (17,427 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I'm with Rachel. I do believe in working things out that can be worked out. But with cheating and physical violence, these are things that 99% of the time do not and will not change. Life is too short to be miserable because some self-centered a-hole needs to hurt others.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:22 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I didn't see the other posts, but I think they are both very VERY WRONG! I think ANY marriage can be fixed if BOTH people are willing to work it out, go to counseling, whatever it may be. I'm a strong believer in marriage, but there are circumstances where I do think divorce is best. In your case, I'd say try counseling. I say that for almost all marital questions and problems. It really does help! Don't give up until you've done everything you can to make it better. BUT your husband better not do that again. (I say that about cheaters too) Good luck honey.

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 10:08 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I think you should get out of both, there's no reason to put up with any of it. There's no reason a man cannot stay faithful to one women. And as for the abuse, if he has the guts to hurt you even once you can bet it will happen time and time again. No matter how he apologizes this time, no matter what he promises. It takes a very small man inside to be able to hurt a women. I'm sorry.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 10:09 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • A man who cheats is not out to Physically hurt someone. An abusive man usually has some serious mental problems as to why they cannot control their anger. Abuse can land someone in the hospital....cheating leaves you with a broken heart, it does not land you in ER. Your life is on the line w/ an abusive man, your heart/emotions are on the line with a cheater. You can heal & learn from a broken heart, but your face may permanently be disfugured from a good punch in the face. Cheating men just want to get their thrill, abusive men want to physically hurt you. Do you not see the difference?

    Men who hit women have serious mental/emotional problems & need SERIOUS therapy to somehow cure their aggressive behavior.

    People who cheat are usually very normal humans who want the thrill of sex with another person. Very different IMO.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:35 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Good point.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:38 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • You cannot compare the two. People who cheat are usually people in marriages that are already over neither party will admit it. One strays and finally has a way out. There are some women and men who are more mean spirited and they are serial cheaters.

    Men and women who abuse usually chose a partner they can dominate and control. They use the abuse to keep them in control and feeling worthless so they will not leave. They are very different animals and anyone that thinks they are even close to the same is a moron.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • For a psychology major you really are clueless

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • a cheating man leaves you with a broken heart. an abusive man leaves you with a broken jaw, a concussion, lacerations from a ligature, broken fingers, dislocated shoulder, broken nose, permanently damaged hearing, burn scars, continual black eyes, cuts, scrapes, impact bruises... a cheating man may bring you home an STD, a hitting man will bring home a 12 pack- and then beat you with the bottles when he is done. a cheting man may hurt the family because of his infidelity, a hitting man will make his children victims, and teach them to become abusers.

    i left a man that was physically/mentally/emotionally abusive. who also cheated. abused alcohol, and was a drug addict... cheating is not even on the same plane of existence as true physical abuse.

    i know you must be confused- i was, but how dare you compare the two?

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:53 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Samurai Chica, theres no cure for AIDS or herpes.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:53 AM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • In terms of cheating...I think it depends on the situation. Were you having problems anyway? Was it an ongoing relationship or a one time "slip up"? Did he use protection? None of that makes it better, but in some cases it can be worked out if the cheating was because of emotional needs going unmet or an unhappy situation handled horribly...rather than a womanizer who just wants to screw anything with legs. Yes, I agree that a man who sleeps around, especially with numerous women and unprotected, is the same as physical abuse. Leave him. That said...I man who would choke a woman, hit her, etc... is taking it a step farther. This is first degree abuse and those things escalate very quickly. It's dangerous, and IMO it takes a certain kind of man to hit a woman...and it's not someone who usually changes or gets help. A cheater may or may not be that way depending, as I said. AT the very least, get away until he gets help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 17, 2009