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How do I move on from a failed relationship?!?

Recently broke things off w/my baby's father. I left and bought a new house. I should be happy that I've finally left a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship. But all I've been feeling is loneliness lately. I have my 2 daughters with me(9yrs and 16 mos.) but I still feel empty & alone inside. Can anyone relate at all? I try hard not to call him but I end up breaking down and calling him anyway just out of loneliness and fear. I have several "aquaintances" but not real friends to confide in. Im so lost. Feeling pretty pathetic and desperate. Someone please help out with useful advice...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • It's easy to get lured back into the toxic relationships that we get ourselves into bc other relationships don't give us the "spark" that the bad ones do. We get drawn to the thing that is bad for us in these men. It took me a long time to get over the father of my children. He is an abusive jerk. I didn't like the abuse but I was emotionally attached to him and thought it was love so I held on hoping he'd change but every time I called him or went back he punished me for leaving in the first place and it was worse each time. How do you move on? You just look forward and not backward. Keep meeting new people and fill up your life with other people and other things. You can do this. If not for you then for your children.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:15 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • 1. Get on cafemom chat groups.
    2.Take the kids out places.
    3. Visit family often.
    4. Have friends/ family over for dinner or coffee alot.
    5. Find a new hobby you can join a group for (chess club, knitting group, bible study, etc)
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:18 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Everyone who has not found the One is experiencing a 100% failure rate at relationships. Remember that everyone you talk to who is single or dating or not certain they are in their forever relationship has this same batting average.

    Relationships are the hardest thing we as humans do.

    Stay busy. You'll get to feeling better in no time. And never under estimate the power of girls night out with your lil girls for ice cream.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 2:21 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Friendships take time and effort. If you want friends, cultivate friendships instead of falling back into the comfortable place of abuse. You're not being fair to yourself or baby daddy... Plenty of us on here... not quite the same as having someone face to face, but we can do our best to support you during your transition. It's okay to be friends with someone when you have a child together, but probably best to limit interaction to parenting. You could probably use the time alone to learn more about yourself as an individual... I raised my daughter alone most of her life. I took her everywhere with me beginning when she was a baby... museums, outdoor concerts, etc. Great thing about babies. Think how much fun you can all have and all the cool things you can show them... might meet others in your shoes along the way.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:28 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I think the best thing you could do for yourself would be to spend some time thinking about why you chose a man who was abusive and how you can avoid repeating that mistake, which is what most women do. It would be helpful for you to write down exactly what you want in a man so write down every trait that is important to you. You may even need some counseling to help you to become whole again if he has deeply wounded you. A lot of churches offer free counseling, so look into that possibility. And then when you feel like you can be totally objective, you will stand a much better chance of finding someone who will meet your qualifications. And don't settle for anything less than what you want. Be sure you know the character of the man before going any deeper into a relationship. The basics are the most important, because the basics of a man's character seldom change. What you see is what you get!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:37 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

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