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I have an 8 yr. old son .. We just got a call from principal saying he was cought calling girls bitches and lesbian.

Here it is he was doing great in school and had been coming home with green (great) and gifts from teacher. 2 weeks ago he started coming home with yellow (warnings) and finally Detentions red (Bad) 2 which were my fault since I didnt sign his Homework. Last week he had a note sent home he was talking to much and using some a quote " Silence I kill You" from some character. He got grounded and had to clean all the Dog poop and the back yard. We explained TV stuff should not be used in real life words or any thing not real. This week Today we got phone call from principal, he was using words as bitches and Lesbians torwards girls. Honestly the worst word we use around the house is DAMN and SHIT. I dont get it we had warned him if he got more detentions or warnings from teacher he would not get Birthday gifts. It hurts to punish him so harsh, but I cant think of any other punishment. What can we do ?


Asked by ehall13 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 17, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (12)
  • "hes just a kid!!! i know you have to teach your kids, but sometimes kids just dont get it. they dont have the mentality. he doesnt understand why he can hear other people say these words, and then he cant say them. it just doesnt make sense to him"

    no no lol I totally disagree while to each their own he is a kid but he is 8 old enough to know. my five year old knows he may not use certin words (ie stupid etc) he wont even repeat them to me if hes trying to tell me something happend etc (like if someone else said it) He has the mentality he is for sure old enough to know what's app. and whats not. and if he doesnt now would be the perfect time to show him. Id say the key to this one is following thru. IF you said no gifts-no gifts. Have a cake have a special dinner- no gifts sorry buddy. I may sound mean but Id rather my kids have little mess ups now and get punsished then later in life when the mess ups are bigger.

    Answer by 82ndairbornewif at 6:56 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • You do exactly what you TOLD him you would do. I'd also turn off the TV.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Oh boy. I am sorry. Yes, you must do as you threatened. Never make threats that you find too hard to carry out. You must do as you said, because otherwise he'll believe that in the future that you don't really mean your threats. I'd recommend getting him evaluated by a behavior specialist. The school likely can work with you on this. It needs to be discovered why his great grades are suddenly very bad.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:49 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I agree. Follow through.. I would begin monitoring the TV, games, movies and books with an eagle eye as well. Set hard and fast rules. "this will never be acceptable and the consequences will be harsh" Some stuff you just can't give leeway on.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:50 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I don't mean to make it sound like your dh is a soft wimpy dad but my dh is a hard ass to our kids and that is what i need bc they sure as hell don't listen to me alone. Once he has spoken everything goes smoothly....aahh! My dh is a hard ass bc he is a supervisor of his company that he works for and hey whatever works. We do not spank unless if neccessary.
    So if you have a man with a deep voice and kind of intimadating use him even if he is just a friend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Like the PP said, follow through with your punishment. You cannot show him that you will back down when you punish him, at all. Now that isn't to say you cannot celebrate his b-day. You can get him a card and a small cake or something and if things improve later on, you can tell him he can have his gifts then... maybe, but only if great improvement is made. Alos, talk to his teacher and proncipal and find out the exact situation where he was using the derrogatory terms toward the girls. Were there other children involved too. You may find out there are others he's picked this up from and you may want to have him stay away from them. If not you may want to keep his tv time to a minimum and get him evaluated for behavioural problems. Good Luck!

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 4:59 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • Have you asked where he has heard this is why he did this??

    Answer by PsychMommie at 5:16 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • hes just a kid!!! i know you have to teach your kids, but sometimes kids just dont get it. they dont have the mentality. he doesnt understand why he can hear other people say these words, and then he cant say them. it just doesnt make sense to him. i still agree that you have to punish kids sometimes in order to teach them, but take away his birthday presents? thats alittle much. he only gets one birthday a year. i wouldnt do that if i was you. my son is only 6 months old so i havent had to deal with parenting issues like that, but i have a half sister & step brother who are alot younger then me and they both had some issues when they were younger, my sister was getting bad grades & fighting on the school bus, my brother bit some kids, and they got punished .. but not taking away theyre birthday presents. thats really harsh. BTW my sister & brother are doing great now.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:30 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • "Silence, I kill you" comes from Jeff Dunham's comedy routine with Achmed the dead terrorist. A very adult oriented comedy routine.

    I'd sit down and have a very serious, loving conversation with him about what is happening at school. Such a drastic change in a child's behavior could mean he's being picked on or has become associated with a group of children using those terms. Tell him you want to help him and need to know what is going on and how he feels. Find out if he even knows what they mean. Be careful not to put words into his mouth. See what you can get from him in general conversation. Now that he is traveling down this different path, teachers aren't getting a very good impression of him or you sadly. Not signing the papers and then this newest chain of events probably aren't portraying his character in a favorable manner. He's asking for help and it feels like he's trying to fit in.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 5:34 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I'd also look VERY close at what TV he is watching and is picking up when he is in the room with the TV sounds like maybe some changes need to happen there. good luck :)

    Answer by 82ndairbornewif at 6:56 PM on Nov. 17, 2009