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moving/parent advice

So my parents want my hubby and I to move down to NC where they are living now. We planned on going in June but my hubby wants to take the NY bar in july and maybe would like to practice for a year if the money is good enough. I know my parents will be upset b/c they were looking forward to us moving soon. We'd also be living with them to save on rent...hubby isn't into that idea too much. NC really is just for saving money and trying to afford a home. How do I compromise with everyone, to make everyone happy? Now that I am married and have a child I cannot always make the parents happy anymore. Plus I do feel bad b/c they have always helped us in the past.

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Asked by mommylovesu28 at 4:52 PM on Nov. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 10 (408 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You CANNOT make everyone happy. You need to concentrate on the best future for you and your husband. That might be practicing law in NY. It might be opening up a practice in NC.

    Do your research. What opportunities are there for a new lawyer in NY vs. in NC? Your parents CANNOT figure into the equation just yet.

    If you move to NC, can he take the bar there with no extra schooling? If he starts his career in NY and then you move, what requirements might he have to fulfill to be licensed in NC?

    And *is* NC a place YOU want to live? That makes a HUGE difference. I knew one family who went to NC from CA, and moved back a year later because they hated NC. (And there have been similar stories for other cross-country moves....whatever the state.)

    You have to figure all of these things out independent of where your parents are.....

    to be continued....

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:08 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • continued from above....

    Because to be perfectly frank, parents die. You want to be sure you're settled in a place where you can build a good support system independent of them, so that you're not utterly alone when the inevitable happens.

    Trust me...I've been there.

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:09 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • That is tough but you have to o what you have to do for your family - you, husband and child. I know it's hard to feel like you're letting down your parents, who have been good to you but in the end what is best for your own little family is what you have to do. And if moving in with your parents is not what he wants to do, I'd rethink that too. If he doesn't want to, living with them could be very hard and put a strain on your marriage to say the least.

    Talk it out with him and see if you can reach a compromise that the two of you are happy with. Good luck.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:12 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • I'd just tell my parents that being in NY is your dh's opportunity to make it in life doing what he wants to do and that you love them but want to support his dream. You can always move later if dh is ok in moving.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:07 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • you need to do what's in the best interest for your family..... not what mommy and daddy want you to do. you're a grown, married woman with her own family that comes first.
    this is a decision you and your hubby should make TOGETHER.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

  • This really should be a decision that you and your husband make together. If he wants to stay put for a while, then I think that's what you should do. As a wife, it's more important that you please hubby than parents.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:26 PM on Nov. 17, 2009

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