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Bipolar marriage...

I swear some days I feel like it's great and I am married to my best friend and soul mate and some days I wonder WTH am I doing here...anyone relate to this? And no I'm not bipolar or anything of the sort It's just sometimes with the stress and DH work schedule, which means we don't have sex as often as DH "needs" it, I feel like sometimes we are on opposite sides instead of side by side. IDK I think it is the lack of sex and DH reaction/ action towards it. He is such a baby. He is an awesome Daddy, helps around the house, works 60 + hrs /wk but man when he doesn't get it enough it's like our whole world comes crashing down. I hate it. We had sex 2 nights in a row about a week ago and as soon as we didn't the 3rd night forget about it. He's cranky and sulking. It's not like he even tries, our views on sex I realize are polar opposite. He assumes I should want to please him 24/7 and pleasing him should be beyond pleasurable

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Nov. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • con't...for me. And you ask I didn't know this before? I did and I didn't. He was pretty selfish at the beginning and I thought we resolved that and then I guess slowly my sex drive started to diminish. I was molested as a child so I always internalized our "issues" . Always thinking it was me that didn't see things clearly.Never realizing he had alot to do with them. Plus he is a good man and we love each other so as important as sex is I thought we would eventually resolve it. Five years later and he always "assumes" what I should, want , like, etc. That it has gotten to a point I have no desire to have sex and it is on the bottom of my to do list. Is this grounds for leaving him? I have tried to talk, read books, etc. he feels like he tries andf I feel the exact opposite. I have no sex drive now but I am in my 30's I want to experience that I am married to a great man for Gd's sake why can't he make love to me the way Ineed
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • It sounds like you are both wanting what you want more than you want to please the other. It takes a lot longer than 5 years to work through these issues, and no, I don't think you need to even consider divorce. Sex for a woman is so much a matter of attitude and emotion, and our emotions follow our attitudes. I challenge you to start thinking more positively about your husband and about your sex life. Try actually looking forward to his coming home in the evening. It may help for you to think on how much you enjoyed him when you first got married. Try to do some little something every day just for him and make sure it is something you know he likes. I'm not sure why it is, but when a wife really makes it her goal to love her husband the way he needs to be loved, it is very often reciprocated big time. It works much better than begging, pleading. fussing, etc. So try to change your mindset and see what happens.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:10 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • maybe we should trade hubbys haha..jk...i'm the one always wanting sex with mine and he is always too tired. Then when he does want it i feel like i have been neglected for so long i don't even want it or i almost want to punish him for not giving any to me when i wanted it. We usually work out though
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:54 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

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