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What to do?

My DS 16 is so lazy he stays up to late and does not want to get up for school. He said this morning " I am going to my counselor to ask for Independent studies" I said its not an option because you are preparing for the real world where you have to get up and go to work every day. He said no I am not. Then he said you know I can drop out at 16. How do I get him to go to sleep earlier. There is nothing going on at school, he has a girlfriend and is a pretty good kid. HELP!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Nov. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • what is he doing when he stays up late? Maybe he would find it rewarding to get a job and have his own money to see what its like. Something part time for a few hours after school and only allow him to go if he goes to school
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:50 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • Simple, if he wants to act like an adult in the fact that he's saying he can drop out, then he can be treated as one. He can do his own laundry, cook his own food, pay part of the food bill and electricity. Everything he has in his room, you bought for him, so you can take that too, and he can buy it back off you. Now is NOT the time to get mamby pamby, be firm but also don't show him alot of anger or frustration, just state the facts.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:51 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • 2 words...MILITARY SCHOOL!
    DM-dreamgirl

    Answer by DM-dreamgirl at 11:18 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • He's testing you (and you know it, don't you?). He's checking to see how much control he has and/or you will give him. Shay and Zakysmommy are right... he's ready for more responsibility. Help him find a job and take on more work at home -- not as punishment, but as a normal progression of his age. Talk to him about his goals and what he's doing toward them, his plans for his social life and his work life. Stay firm that you are his loving parent and support, but you are NOT his meal ticket and doormat. Tell him how hard it is going to be to let go, but you WILL let go. Let him know that you will do everything you can to help him be a successful adult -- and that starts with laundry today, making a meal this weekend, and getting a job over Christmas break.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 11:27 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • In the state I live in you can only drop out at 16 iff your parents sign for it. Don't sign for it. ground him if he can't bebothered with school. Call the school and inform them that your son cannot do Independent Studies. You still have rights as his parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • It could be that he's bored with school. There's a lot in school that when you hit the high school you just don't see how it will help you in the future. We have a program here called Foxfire. It's a different type of High school and is tailored to each child. They don't go all day but half days and work the other half. You might also want to check into a vocational school. Lots of students do a lot better there because it's all hands on life related schooling. I'd also have him start doing extra's around the house. If he gives you the I don't have to then neither do you. You are required to provide food, shelter, clothing. Not wii's, cell phones, etc. Those can pretty quickly disappear. Give him more adult choices and see if it helps.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 12:40 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • Tell him that as soon as he is out of school, he either moves out or pays you rent.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 5:22 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • I agree with Zakysmommy. If he wants to act like an adult, treat him like one. That means he gets a job, takes complete responsibility for himself (laundry, cooking, cleaning), does his schoolwork, and contributes to bills. Make sure he understands that nothing is handed to you in adulthood. If you're convinced he won't make it through school doing independent study, contact the counselor and make it clear that you do not consent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • The main problem I can see with dropping out is not having a diploma. Even in alot of these "other" study programs you get a GED and nowdays a diploma is worth so much more in the real world.

    Good Luck. Its tough. I had a 17 yr old stepson we tried to get into a special military type program here in Texas called Seaborn. Would have been great for him but he screwed it up by doing drugs and running off and he wont be worth a crap to society ever because his mother didnt enforce rules like she should have because she is stupid. (Not my DH son. It was his 3rd wifes child but we treat them like ours)
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 10:04 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Ask him what his goals are for the future and what steps he plans to take to acheive them. In our house, no education = no financial support.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:30 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

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