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MIL leaves me out

My DH's mom has always treated DH like her husband, not her son (DH's dad left early on). She tantrums about DH not spending time w/ her (we live across town, he works full time, we have a toddler and money problems - we are BUSY). Now, I can deal w/ that - I have been for years - but what is getting me is that if she calls wanting to spend time w/ DH, it is ONLY him she wants to see. She doesn't invite us all over, but says things like "Can you get away for a bit and come see me?" or asks him alone to come and pick her up to do something. She never wants to see me or DS. I used to call her, when DS was 1st born, to see if she wanted me to bring him over, but after the 10th time of her having some excuse for me not to, I quit. But then she has the nerve to tell me when she does see me that she loves me and wishes she could see me more! What do I do in this situation?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Nov. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Just flat out tell her that he is your husband not her's. I wish I had this problem with my MIL!

    Answer by justluvinmyson at 7:07 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • omg we have to be friends because maybe then we can figure this out. My MIL is the exact same way, and its so sick. She treats me like i stole her lover! Who cares that I make him happy and his life is great now, all she thinks of is he belongs to her? sickos....I dont have any advice except what I wish-tell dh to stand up to her and set her straight. I told my SO"listen she is a part of the family but you and I and the kids are the core now, she can choose to be in our lives or she can be lonely but she needs to stop" so far he agrees but will not address it...send me a friend invite!

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:36 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • OP - I'm not making this a bigger deal than it should be. It IS a big deal. I left an awful lot of info out of the question - MIL has done a lot of pretty mean things to me over the years, stuff that I've always turned the other cheek to, but I feel like I am running out of cheeks to turn! She talks bad about me to DH, she tells lies about me to her side of the family, she is addicted to gambling and is constantly hitting us up for money when she knows we are broke, etc, etc, etc... I just feel like I have done everything in my power to be nice to this woman, and she still treats me like crap. I've never started a fight w/ her, never insulted her, never called her on the insults I know she throws at me behind my back. I tell my DH to answer her calls when he doesn't want to, and then I get the blame when he doesn't answer (she says I am controlling DH and not letting him see her). I'm just fed up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2009

  • My MIL stole my bank card from my purse on my daughters Bday so i couldnt spend any of his money [we have a joined account]

    let me know when you figure it out. you can add me if you would like to.


    Answer by Cyarasmom at 12:41 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • My MIL was like this, she used to treat me like she was his wife and I was the mistress stealing him away from her. It wasn't sexual of course, but very unhealty all the same. DH didn't even realize it until I brought it to his attention, then when he tried to treat her like his mother... she began doing the samething as your MIL. She would try and turn him against me, tell everyone horrible lies about me, and now that we have a child she says dd is "just another female to get between her and her son."

    There is a name for this, it's called emotional incest. I know it sounds gross... but it is actually very common. It's when a person loves a family member as a replacement or substitute for a partner. There are some great MIL groups on here, but this one gives the best advice, you should check it out...

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • MIL clearly has a problem but you cannot allow her behavior to interfere with your marriage...quiet as its kept, she's trying to get in between you and your hubby. If you fall victim to her plots and schemes, she'll (in her mind) win..if you stay focused and be a bigger person, you'll eventually get your dh to see what you've seen from the beginning...good luck to you!

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:58 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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