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Laid off and scared

I'm living in a large town (small city) that has a terrible economy. I just got laid off, and cannot find a job that can cover my bills at a minimum. My husband is staying because he is working for his federal retirement coming in six years.

Problem- as much as I owe (and my husband doesn't seem to understand job seeking hardship), I feel that I'm in a deadend situation and will have to look in other cities for work. (I need something more aggressive financially than working at home - sorry)

Question - How to maintain a marriage if I move to another city for work when my husband is dedicated to a city where I cannot live? And please do not say that I'm trying to find a way out of a marriage. That would be inaccurate.

Thanks in advance

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (10)
  • what about commuting?
    I know I live 45min north of San Francisco and most of the people who live in my town travel to the city SF to work

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:43 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Yo don't mention the distances you're talking about. DH and I can and have commuted as long as two hours one way for the right job. It was worth it. I currently commute one hour one way.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:52 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • If you live in a different city wouldn't that just add to the bills that you say you can't pay now? You'd have more rent/mortgage, electric, gas, ins. etc.
    Is your husband able to pay for everything right now by himself? Would you be leaving him to take of that house because you can't find work in that city?
    Also, you'd be wiling to move because your husband is dedicated to a city where he has a stable job? Sorry but this doesn't make sense to me. Marriage is a partnership. Your debt is his and his yours. Work together to figure things out.

    Answer by how_reb at 8:25 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • OP Here,

    No, my husband's and my debts are separate. Our union was not an instant merger. I had to really earn my keep in the beginning. And even then, I worked hard to cover the difference that he was a big spender. So I learned my lesson to not allow our finances to comingle.

    The city close by is also struggling (especially in my field). My plan is to go back to school to refresh. My question was about moving out Kansas (and the KC area) to move to either Atlanta, GA or Houston, TX where income is closer to the cost of living and less hit by the recession.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Op Again,

    We don't own a house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership. You and husband seem more like roommates with benefits. I strongly recommend couples' therapy.

    The unemployment rate keeps going up and it is very discouraging. I do have a few suggestions, though (I do career and job search coaching).
    Number 1 is networking; Cafemom is a start, but you need to actively seek out people and groups that can help you meet people who can connect you to someone hiring. Less the half of the available positions are posted on the job boards; you need to get out and find the others. A profile on Linkedin is a must!
    Number 2 is having a great "elevator speech". This is a 15 second introduction on who you are and what you are looking for.
    Number 3 is a great resume that tells the reader who you are, what you can do, what you have accomplished, and how you can help.
    Number 4 is great coverletters tailored to the position/company.


    Answer by rkoloms at 10:20 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Number 5 is using one of the meta search sites, like Indeed or Simply Hired, to comb the job boards for you.
    Looking for a job is a full time job, and sometimes you need to be creative and design your own job.
    Do you have a former employer you could work for remotely? If you have a computer with high speed internet & Microsoft Office Pro & have at least intermediate MS Office skills, you should be able to find work as a virtual assistant (VA). For more information, go to,, ..
    Do you have a skill or experience that you can turn into a home based business? I have a friend who makes children's hair accessories in her basement & sells them to boutiques around the Midwest. My husband runs a handyman business from our home. I work from home with two lines of business; I do freelance bookkeeping & business organization, in addition to coaching.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:20 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • There are more great tips and support in the CafeMom Job Hunting Moms group:


    Answer by rkoloms at 10:21 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I have a suggestion for you... Have you thought about working at home? It doesn't matter if you live in a big city or small town. I work at home with my 5 year old in school, my 2 year old at home with me and one on the way. There are no parties, no stocking of inventory, no MLM! I would love to get you more information and answer any questions that you have. My website is and my email is Hope we can talk soon! Thanks

    Answer by Rebecca325 at 10:31 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I appreciate your situation. I am a mom of 3 who has had to also find a way to support my family. I was also worried about having to make a move because I have lived in the same area my whole life and my whole family is here. After hours upon hours of worrying and searching, I stumbled upon a company I have been with a little over and year now and I am able to work from home. If you are open to this idea, I can get you the information about what I do and see if it is something you are intested in. We are looking for people and it has changed my life! You can just email me directly at so we can talk.

    Answer by momforwellness at 2:13 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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