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My 4 year old soon to be step daughter wants to call me mom.

I am engaged to a man with two kids and he and his ex have shared custody so I see the kids 3 times a week or so. My fiance and I live in separate apartments so I am not a constant in their visits but recently his daughter said she wants to stay with us and not go home. She also started referring to me as mommy. Is there anything I should do? I told her that her mom and dad loved her so much that they had to share and so she had to go home to mom, but the mommy reference through me for a loop. Any thoughts?

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Asked by SAKristin at 9:43 AM on Nov. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (1 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Hmmm that's a tough one. Are you Ok with being called mommy? If you are, I mean she's only 4 I'm sure it won't last that long, and if it does, I really wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it would bother me too much. It doesn't really seem like you are ok with it though. Why don't you ask your fiance to talk to her about it and explain that you aren't her mommy but step-mommy and you like to be called ______(insert name). Lol, I'm not really sure, but I don't see any real harm being done unless you don't like that case you should put a stop to it now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • You handled it pretty good! The mommy part is a little premature though...I would mention it to her dad and see what he has to say. Sounds like she is trying to show you how much you mean to her, maybe find some different version of mom and see if she would be willing to use one of those, maybe a special pet name, or mom in a different language.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:59 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Yes you should tell her that you aren't her mommy and to call you by your name or have her say step mommy. I would not be happy if I was the ex.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I went through this with my boys. I was NOT happy when they started calling my x's wife mom. I talked to her about it, and their was no problem afterwards. Now they just call her Stef, but my youngest (4, but has known her since 6 months) calls her his Stef-mom (instead of Stepmom)...LOL

    Talk to the mom and your fiance, this is more of a decision they need to make with their children. Good luck

    Answer by 54313MomOf4Boys at 10:14 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I think you should talk this over with her real mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Yes talk to the bio mom and come up with a compromise. I could not see call my step-mom "step-mom" every time I called her. My neighbors are gay and have 3 kids, the oldest (the other 2 are babies) calls the one who did the birthing mom and the other is "gee". I don't know exactly how that happened but that is what he has always called her. Maybe something like that, not mom but some type of honorific name.


    Answer by littleredpony at 10:33 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Be careful. Mom will not like that. Add your name (Mommy Sue). That might help but if my kids called their step mother "mom" I'd show my ass big time. She didn't give birth to them. She didn't clean their poop or puke. She was never there for them. I was. So in my eyes she doesn't deserve to be called mom.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:49 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I would leave it up to the girl. She is 4, what she calls you will change through the years. Other then that good job.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 12:30 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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