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DH came to bed last night, woke me up, and started a fight bc i'm 5 months pregnant and not helpful enough...

quote : "you're pregnant - not dead"
UGGGHHH really??? we have an 8 year old that i take care of - (and he's NOT my child, i might add) i do everything for him! he's been to 5 different dr's in the past week - has an appt today, AND monday. the house IS already clean.... wtf else do i do?? i WORK at home, and I think that's why DH is REALLY upset. lets be honest. i have it GREAT. he has a hard day at work - and I work from from home.... he thinks its so easy. he said "i don't know what you do all day - but it drives me crazy!!" apparently the house isn't clean enough.... i have a toddler home that can get into everything - that i play with and care for and all that... it IS hard to do everything and keep an eye that hes safe. (not complaining - i love my life) but whats DH problem!!!???? he slept on the couch last night. (his doing) he had a day off and cleaned the house A LOT. big freakin' deal. he cleaned the house. omg.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • anyways.... apparently i'm writing too much. but my gosh!!! what the heck is his deal...? you're husbands like this??? i'm pregnant after infertility - and yes i am relaxing and enjoying my changing body/pregnancy.... doing for myself more etc. but my husband is WELL taken care of. He gets a greattt dinner every night, the older child is taken care of, (not my child, ugh) and things are good. HE HAS THE problem!! uggghhhhhh advice ladies?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I'm sorry your husband is me, but what concerns me is how you keep reminding how this 5 year old is not yours. You love your life but not your step child. I think you are a horrible person who deserves to have to fight with your husband. JMO>

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • It sounds like you have some resentment about taking care of the 8 year old. It sounds like this is his child from another relationship and this child has health problems. Your husband has made his child your responsibility. That's hard. I don't want to sound mean but you knew he had this child when you married him and you need to accept that responsibility and not be saying to anyone that he's NOT your child. He is now even if he doesn't have your genes.

    Your husband is wrong. He shouldn't be upset with you about the house. However, there can't be a fight if you don't fight back. The way to win is to not become involved. Either don't respond or be very calm.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:44 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I think it could be that your husband feels like he is not the top priority in your list of who or what comes first. I think his feelings are probably hurt and with the men in my life, hurt feelings are revealed by anger. A man is too macho to say that you are hurting his feelings, but he finds anger to be permissible. If you will try asking him what you might do for him to make his life more pleasurable, you might be very surprised at his answers. It might be something as simple as wanting you to greet him at the door when he comes home in the evening, telling him you are glad he's home(This is a big deal for my husband and it sets the tone for the rest of the evening.) It takes practically none of my time, and if I tell him that I missed him while he was gone, that's icing on his cake. It might be something entirely different with your husband, but it can be fun figuring out what it is that gives him joy(besides sex).

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:55 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • looks like you need to do a better job. ask him to make you a cleaning list of what he wants done. if watching that toddler (assuming that is your work at home) makes you tired and not doing your wife job then you should give it up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Let me be clear - the 8 year old is not my child - and isn't my husbands child either. so to the one who said i knew whe i married yada yada --- i know i didn't go in detail about that - it is our nephew. his mother doesn't care about him and dropped him with us about 6 months ago. we didn't have a choice. he's family so we try to do whats right for him... we have no rights to him - so his "mother" still gets to make decisions or argue with us about decisions - which she shouldnt be able to bc SHE isn't caring for him. we are. i do resent the situation - to be honest. i love him and i do everything for him - i dont show him anything BUT love. that wasn't really the problem - my husbands comments were hurtful and the problem... i am trying to make the best of the situation, but i am also trying to have a healthy marriage and start MY OWN family.... i don't think i am selfish at all - knowing everything i am doing for my nephew.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Do you ever just go off on your spouse? I know I do and it sounds like maybe that is what your husband did- maybe he just got stressed out and needed to vent. Of course, that doesn't mean it is ok for him to take it out on you at all. I think it is hard on men when the woman is pregnant and they feel the pressure of a baby on the way and the woman has to be somewhat self-centered to take care of himself. Even the best guy can get overwhelmed sometimes. So try to put yourself in his shoes- maybe things just caught up with him. That being said, it sounds like you already have a lot on your plate, especially with caring for your nephew. Things happen in life that are unplanned and we just have to go with the flow. Talk to your husband, he may resent the time your nephew takes as well. Maybe do something to show him how important he is to you. But also tell him you are doing your best and can't do everything all the time.

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:19 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Yea; Ive herd the whole "Ur pg, NOT dead" thing before too. U see im 3 months and I have vary bad asthma, but my OB told me to stop my meds, because they r all steriods. This has made it vary hard to do things around the house, that i normally could do. Like walking the stairs to our bedroom, to get the dirty laundry. Ive asked him if he could bring it down before he leaves for work, so i can do it and thats the answer i got. Mine u this is my bf; not married or engaged yet.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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