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What is the typical evening like around your house? does your DH/SO help out? How do you spend time together?

My home life sux because our house is tiny and my husband sits on his ass all night staring at the TV, drinking beer, ignoring our son and if I don't talk to my husband then he gets pissy. He is shut down and defensive if I dare bring up anything.
So while my 5 yr old dances,jumps,spins, gets crazy because he is starving for his dads attention DH just stares at the TV.
We don't do crap as a family and don't eat together. I worry that my son will grow up without table manners because the coffee table is the table.
I cannot talk to my husband about any of my feelings because he gets so flippin' mad. Everything has to be his way. He won't even eat supper if he doesn't like it. He is 50 and theres no changing him and I can't leave or he will make me leave the boy behind.He's never cared for our son why would he start now...It's all about the control....so hows your family life?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Has your husband always been this way, or is this new behavior? It sounds to me like he should be evaluated for depression.

    You need to take control of your home. Meals should be eaten at the table, as a family, If you husband doesn't want to eat, that is his choice.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:57 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I am sorry for your situation. He can't make you do anything. If you want to leave talk to your family and make a plan. Then go to court. To answer your question when my hubby is here. He plays with the girls for a little bit then makes dinner (he is picky so he cooks). While I clean it up he plays with the girls. Then he puts our oldest to bed, while I do the youngest. Then we have our time for 2 hours till he goes to bed. He currently is deployed so he calls and talks to the girls a few times a week and once a week they talk via the computer. They send care packages back and fourth.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 12:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Before I say anything about our family, because it's very different from yours... Anyway. If I were I would have dinner at the table whether your Hubby does or not. Then you can teach your son table manners and he will see what an idiot his father is.. Sorry, that's just how I see him. If there are things you want to teach your son, take it into your hands, and leave Hubby out. Pretend he's not there so he will see what it feels like to be ignored. It might be a wake up call. Go about your evening as if he's not there. Your son will see what you're doing for him and learn from you.
    Now for my family, my Hubby is gone 4-6 weeks at a time working, in the evenings, kids have homework, chores, supper, we eat at least 4 nights a week at the table and 3 in the living room having Chinese or pizza, or something easy like BLT's. It's usually only if they do all their chores, etc.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:47 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • first of all if you feel you want to leave then pack your and your sons stuff while he is at work and go. remember that posession is law untill you have a court order. if you have physical custody of your son there is nothing legally he can do without going to court and getting a judge to sign an order. i personally would not stay if it was like that.
    my husband works 10+ hours a day and he still will come home and play with the kids....even his step kids. i usually make dinner but he comes home once in a while and tells me to relax bc hes going to make me dinner.what you are describing is not a relationship. a relationship takes two people working everyday at making it work and it sounds to me that he could care less about how happy or productive your family is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • dinner at 5 sharp at the diningroom table. everyone waits til everyone is done their dinner before being excused (its really worked for the crankies and stalling - they encourage each other to finish so they can leave)

    after dinner is baths/showers every other night. then jammies teeth and hair. 6-7 is cartoons or reading. I clean up the kitchen

    if dh is home he will hang out and watch tv with them and usually a wrestling or tickle war occurs.

    recently though he's been getting home late from work, just in time for prayers and bedtime at 7.
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 12:57 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • he comes home around 5, he changes clothes and comes to the living room . he plays with the kids and tehnhe sits to paly video games. mean while i cook dinner. if the kids need anything, he gets is for them. he changes ds diapers or feeds him. plasy with dd he learn to play video games and help me with the kids
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 12:58 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • i think youshould leave him he sounds like a horrible father and a crappy husband!!
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 12:59 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • OP HERE~

    In my first marriage there was interaction with then hubby and our 3 kids. We did put the kids to bed together and go to bed together as well. Sometimes he cooked when he had a wild hair to "invent" something, lol. In the end though he started showing hostility and I was scared and left. In hindsight it could have worked out and I wished I had somebody to tell me that back then.

    After 10 years of being single I got with a guy who seemed like a family man. Married him and now he's a jerk and my self esteem is nailed into the ground and there's no longer "ME" but more like an employee to my husband. He only pays attention when I get after our son for something. I just tell him to mind his own business at that point because I am the 24/7 caregiver, we even sleep in the same bed, because DH won't allow change to happen
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • My husband is home by 5 pm. He changes from his suit into some play clothes and plays with our son until 5:30 while I finish dinner. We eat together at the table. After dinner we all clean up the dishes and then play a game or do something fun together. My son is in bed at 8:30pm and then my hubby and I have our adult fun.lol We don't own a TV and my husband thankfully is not a beer drinkier. Sorry your married an ass and I hope it gets better for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • You can change his behavior and you should for the good of your family. When dinner time rolls around just put the food on the table and call everyone over. If he doesn't want to get off his ass then he doesn't eat. He might just come and get the food and go sit on the couch again but the rest of the family can have a nice dinner sitting at the table. Switch off the TV and play together.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 2:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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