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For Moms/Families who spank..

When you spank your child, how do you feel afterwards? I vowed to myself even before I had kids that I didn't want to spank. However, with my naughty two year old..he drives me to the point where I don't know what else to do. NOTHING works. I have spanked him only a handfull of times and after wards, I feel awful. I want him to be able to come to his mommy and not be scared, but I also want him to behave and listen. So..how do you feel after you spank your kids? And how do you deal with it?

Also..any different ideas to deal with a naughty 2 y/o? I've tried time outs, sitting in the corner, sitting in his room, taking things away, yelling, etc.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (19)
  • be consistant. most parents dont follow thru. and dont show they are serious.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Now, I do not spank. However, there is a right way to do it, and a wrong way. If you feel awful afterwards, you didn't do it right. Your goal in spanking is to teach, not to punish. You can't teach your children if you are angry. If you spank correctly, you and your child should feel restored afterward. Now, I can't tell you how to do that. My friends who spank describe it that way (and, for the record, so do their children). So. Take that for what it's worth.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 1:29 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • my kids are 15, 13, and 8... i spanked a few times when they were little. I felt fine then, I feel fine now... my kids are fine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I'm not really answering your question.

    People will say that they have tried everything and nothing works. Then they list only punishments. There is so much more parent can do than punish and/or reward.

    I don't understand. Libraries and bookstores are full of parenting books. There is the internet. When I was a new mother in the 70's I could understand why mothers didn't know about anything other than punishing but why don't mothers today do a little research?

    There are so many good parenting books available. I usually recommend Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary because it is a practical, problem solving approach to parenting that is written at about a 5th grade reading level. She also has a website called Star Parenting.

    Go to the bookstore and look at parenting books. Take a couple of hours, your kids are worth it.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I spank, I feel bad because of the look he gives me afterwords but he doesn't do it again.
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 1:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • you know. there are lot of parents who do not agree with spanking. But, honestly weather you spank, put your kids in time out or take toys away its all about consistency. You have to decide what you want to do and stick to it. Kids at this age dont really know right from wrong and its our job as parents to teach them what that is. And teaching anyone anything takes time. Good luck
    smarie1011

    Answer by smarie1011 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I don't feel bad when I spake. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she knows when she's doing wrong. She knows the rules and I expect her to follow them. She gets 2 warnings, then a swat or time out depending on what she doing wrong. She also gets positive feedback for when she does well. I just have to be aware of how much sleep she's had and when she ate last as this has a very serious impact on her behavior. Sometime's when she's acting out, I know that a punishment will not work, but a snack with change her behavior completely. And other times I know that she just needs to be put to bed and take a nap! So just try to figure out when to spank and when to apply other punishemnts (or if somethine else is causing the behavior) and decide before hand when to punish. You won't feel bad when it's an action rather than a reaction .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't feel good, but I don't feel bad about it, they know what happens when they don't listen, continuing to misbehave is just asking for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I know why people turn to spanking, etc. There are a lot of us out there that KNOW our two year olds are capable of behaving. Yet, when you read parenting books, the examples are geared towards 3 and u p (if that early) or on redirecting babies. There is a wealth of MISSING information on how to guide toddlers when redirection is no longer appropriate.

    I have different books I like, but most of them don't really address the how to discipline a toddler. Yes, I HEAR that discipline is to teach. The "how to" is not really addressed, regardless of what people say. I have to be very creative in my parenting, and it takes a LOT of energy. There is no such thing as a checklist, really.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 1:56 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • At that age it could take 30 times outs before it will work. You also have to be very consistant. If they know there is a 50/50 shot at discipline they will take the chance. My sister complains nothing works with her 4 year old but my sister gives 30 warnings with no follow through. My son gets one warning and then straight to time out. He does it again right back in time out with no warning. My son is a stubborn kid so the first month it was difficult but we stuck it out and time outs did work. He is older so we have changed what we do. We have never hit my son and never would. I feel it is what unintelligent and lazy people do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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