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Would You be Done w/a Dad like this one??

I had surgery a while back nothing major but I needed a family member to take my kids for a couple hours. I needed dh w/me since I was put under and had to be driven to hospital. My dad had agreeded to show up at my house at a particular time and sit w/the kids till we came back. He did not show and dh and I had to rush out w/the kids. I had no support after surgery. After that my dad dissed me for over a month,refusing to answer my phone calls. I reallly don't know what his problem is or was but now we are no longer close(at least before this I had though we were)-a delusion I guess. I find out that he has an ex- con living w/him for free and has nearly adopted him. I never darken his door but I am wondering w/all this crazy behavior should we just not have contact any more? What do you think? Is he loosing it?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I've had people drop me off for surgeries and come back to get me when I was ready to leave the hospital so it's not like you were going to die without having dh there. The nurses were there if you needed anything. As for your dad, he is living his life. Leave him alone. You are an adult now. Now many men want to babysit kids for other people? You should have planned better than to ask him. Quit whining and grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Yeah,you sound like a man yourself!! Lol. I have nobody else. I have no other family.
    anon1:11 You are a sweet heart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Anonymous 2:11 You are just mean.
    My dad watches my son for me, he loves spending time with him and always asks me if he can watch him. If I were having surgery I would want my SO there for me, just as I would want to be there for him if he were having surgery.
    To OP, It is totally up to you if you continue to have contact with your dad, but it sounds like he is going down the wrong road right now. It is horrible that you needed him and he wasn't there for you. Talk to him about it and then decide what you should do about it.
    But sometimes it is better to lose contact with people. I haven't talked to my mom in years and she hasn't tried to contact me and it is better off that way.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 2:18 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Blaines, I think your right. Honey, you dont need him, just think of all the time he is going to miss with your kids. I have not talked to my real dad(sperm doner) in 15 years, my step-dad, which I consider my Dad, always wants to watch my daughter, thats her Papa!
    Theone3608

    Answer by Theone3608 at 2:36 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I'd say there's a good possibility he avoided contact with you after your surgery out of sheer guilt. How much information do you have regarding the relationship your father has with this ex-con? Could he possibly be lending a hand up to help him? Have you tried talking to your father about what happened without letting your anger seep through? It know it would be hard for me to confront my father after something like that without being angry but I think it's the only way you are truly going to get to the bottom of this mess. If you had a close relationship with your father and you'd like to again, I suggest trying to talk to him. In direct answer to the question, no, I don't think I would part ways with my father. We may not be as close but I wouldn't cut ties.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 2:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I wouldn't have much else to do with him if he couldn't answer the phone or at least explain his actions. I'm sorry but it's not an adult way to behave much less a parental one. I sure would not feel comfortable going around him or bringing my kids around when an ex con is living with him either. It is obviously up to you but I'd suggest you be careful with the whole situation from here on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • You didn't say if this is unusual behavior for your father or if this is just one of many incidents... if it is unusual, I would be very concerned about what is going on and if he is being manipulated and controlled by the ex-con... is this someone you know, someone who has been part of the extended family for a while, or someone new? If this is typical behavior of your father, I wouldn't necessarily "end the relationship" just don't invite heartache by having expectations. You can both get on with your lives understanding who the other is.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • It's always nice to have someone there for you. Someone to stay with your kids and someone to be there for you after surgery. My mom died the day before I had a c-section. My husband was with me, but he was so busy calling everyone he knew to tell them about the baby and inviting them over while I was miserably recovering and grieving. It was a very sad time for me. People need a support system. People need friends and family in times like this. I don't know what your Dad is going through, but I think you should try to talk to him. Life is too short. Someday you might regreat not trying to "fix"things with him and it might be too late.
    Eliza247

    Answer by Eliza247 at 3:53 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

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