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How to stop mother from man bashing in front of my daughter?

My mother is constantly man bashing and emasculating my father. She is always insulting him and saying things like "Men are pigs! They will sleep with anything! they always cheat! blah blah!" Well when i was young it was very damaging for me to hear stuff like this. It made me never want to have a meaningful relationship because I thought I would just get hurt, so I was very promiscuous. the thing is I want to know how to tell her to stop saying stuff like that in front of my daughter because I dont want her to be afraid of men, or see all of them as pigs. How can i tell her without her getting defensive and making me out to be the bad guy? My daughter is only 4 now so it is not a big deal yet, but I dont want her to grow up viewing me the same way I did. She made me afraid of all men, even my own father, and i dont want her to do that to my daughter.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (5)
  • You are not and never will be the bad guy, so don't let her make you feel this way.

    I learned-this is your daughter and you need to protect her, and sometimes protecting out children, could be hurtful to others. I say, o well.

    Take it how you want to, but my kids will be ok. they are my family now.

    I would just be direct, tell her exactly how you feel, and you do not want her to be around it. If she loves you she will get over it, even if she does get mad.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I agree BE DIRECT and tell your mother how you feel. She may disagree but hopefully she will understand.

    I had a similar situation with my mom and dad not respecting my values for my children. Grandpa would cuss around my children and he had the attitude that he has been that way for 50 years and he wasn't going to change. I ended up not letting my kids visit for a while and then he decided to change his choice of words.

    Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to get a result

    GOOD LUCK!
    virgomother0406

    Answer by virgomother0406 at 4:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Tell her that if she can't speak appropriately in front of your daughter, she won't be seeing your daughter. YOU are the mother and need to do what is right for your daughter. Do NOT feel guilty for teaching your daughter to have values and ethics.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:19 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • let your mom know that despite all the pain he has caused her you do not want your dad bashed in front of your children and if she can't be civil about it your kids will not be coming over. Your not the bad guy.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:48 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Talk to her and if she gives you are hard time then personally I would stop allowing her to be around my daughter. At 4 years old it is definitely being heard and understood and if it continues could be damaging so I would do it soon. You are NOT the bad guy. Some of DH's friends are very prejudice and I refuse to allow them around my children if they cannot keep their mouths shut. Two of them have been good about not talking like that in front of the kids, but one refused and thought we were being ridiculous so he is NOT allowed around our kids. DH still sees him alone, but NEVER with the kids.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 9:38 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

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