Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it ok for my future husband to watch porn?

Ok, to some this might sound stupid but I'm in a situation that I don't know if I should worry about, or calm myself down bcause its supposed to be normal. My soon to b husband who I'm also pregnant of, is kind of addicted to porn as well as the other members in his family. @the beginning when I found out I took it easy but later on when I moved with him I started not liking it. My issue is that I feel like if he is cheating with all this women that he enjoys seeing naked because what he likes the most is seeing women showing their privates, his brother keeps leaving porn magazines under the bathroom sink compartment and my boyfriend goes and gets happy watching this magazines. I might be ok with it if he watches it wile I'm not home but he does this even when I'm sleeping, instead of coming to me he says he does not want to wake me up, and now I'm even more worried because this magazines are at the reachof my 10 year old son.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If they are in reach of your son and he does nothing about it, throw them away burn them in front of him. Maybe next time he will learn, move them out of reach! As for the watching porn, I think men just do it, it's like they have to have it all the time. If it bothers you tell him "Honey I'd rather you wake me up, I like sex also, I also want the big O" Ask him if he would like it if you went to the bath or elsewhee to masterbate without him?
    Theone3608

    Answer by Theone3608 at 2:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • If you suspect he is a porn addict, I wouldn't be marrying him until he gets counseling, and you are sure that porn will not come before you, your sex life, and the children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I think it's perfectly normal for a man to want to watch porn. You shouldn't think of it as him cheating on you and if you take it away from him that may make him run out and physically cheat on you.
    If you're uncomfortable with him watching it while you're sleeping, don't make him feel ashamed for watching it while you're around...that's why he waits until you're sleeping. You need to be able to sit down and talk with him about it and explain to him why he can't leave magazines laying around b/c you don't think it's appropriate for your son to see it.
    Try to be understanding and find a compromise. Try watching it with him that way he doesn't feel like watching it is so bad and he should hide it. Try some new things in the bedroom so he can live out some of his fantasies and doesn't have to rely on porn so much. There are a lot of things you can do instead of thinking that it's terrible, disgusting or cheating
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Tell him to respect your son and keep them up. Some guys are stupid and think since that is how they found out about sex that it's the way boys should learn about it. (leaving it down) If he is in to porn, you won't be able to stop him from doing it. Just compromise and tell him to respect you and your son but no I don't consider it cheating.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:47 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • This would never be okay with me. I see it as being no different than his sleeping with every woman he looks at, because that is precisely what he is doing in his mind. I also can tell you that it won't get better; it will only get worse. Pornography is highly addictive and just like alcohol, drugs or gambling, it takes more and more to satisfy the addiction. There is help available to break this addiction, but a person has to first want to be helped. This is a huge red flag and directly relates to a man's character and his ability to be faithful.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:57 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • It doesn't really matter what our opinions of our significant others watching porn are.... the point is, you are not okay with it and he needs to respect that.
    PhiLLy-StyLe

    Answer by PhiLLy-StyLe at 4:01 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • dont marry him untill he gets help it will just tear you apart in thew end my ex husband same thing to me i couldnt belive it next he will be trying to get it out of you when you dont want to have sex with him leave and take your pride and dignity with you.
    SarahRandall

    Answer by SarahRandall at 4:17 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • First off - this material should never be accessible to any child. However the answer is different in each relationship. I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer because that would be defined by your own values and expectations in your relationship. It is important that if this bothers you that you that you clearly explain why and see if there is a compromise or solution. It is important that you openly discuss things like this prior to committing to a long term relationship otherwise you may be setting yourself up for failure.

    Personally - it doesn't bother me if my husband looks - at times I look with him and it works for us however it is different in each relationship and depends on the openess of your relationship.

    Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • If you feel that porn is a form of cheating, that feeling will not change or go away after you marry. If the joy of watching porn outweighs his commitment and respect for you, that too will not change after you're married. You need to look back at your own question and pay attention to your wording. You are already referring to it as an addiction. Any addiction can destroy a marriage, but porn in particular attacks the intimate portion of a relationship. In your question you also point out that the porn is left accessible to your child.  Not only will your son find it on accident, but your BF will most likely introduce him to it intentionally in a couple of years.


    If you marry him, the marriage will not last.  Incompatible sexual styles never work out.  He will never give up his porn and you will never feel ok with it.

    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 5:08 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • I don't allow porn in my house at all. If my dh wants to watch it he better do it when I am asleep and the kids are away.
    sweetpea532

    Answer by sweetpea532 at 5:26 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN