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He is married

I want to know if anyone has been through this........I am married and in love with my best friend deeply and he is also married I have known him for 20+ years and did not realize how much until recently maybe a year ago, we were chatting about our marriages recently and I cried and cried about how much I love this man and I told him and he responded (I still love my wife) but he loves me as well now mind you his wife has left him several times not for long but just the fact is she keeps leaving, I love my husband but not in love with him I just want to be happy and I want him to be happy as well but I prefer he is happy with me.

Upset and in love

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Oh geez. Who cares that his wife keeps leaving HE AND his WIFE need to work on that. The last thing they need is another woman coming in to make things worse.

    Why don't you talk to your DH and try counseling instead of giving up on your life just because of SELFISHNESS? Are there kids involved here too?


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • You don't love him you think you do and this will end badly for you all especially your children. Grow up get into marriage counseling and cut all ties with this guy. He doesn't love you either if he did you would have already been married and had a life together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • If you really did love him you wouldn't be interfering with his marriage.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • i know, you both running off with eachother is the wrong way to go. maybe you two have been spending too much time alone and its starting to go to your head. and he's been complainging about his wife and you've been thinking that you could be way better than her because deep down you probably just aren't satisfied with her as your best friend's husband. but get counseling and be the better person. you'll be ruining many lives if you cheat. Try to be better with your husband and you should stop seeing your friend. You have to if you care about your family. And not righ away, but with time, you'll be happy every day that you chose your family.

    Answer by fefe87 at 6:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • He's telling you something by allowing her to keep coming back and that after all of that he still loves her. It sounds more like he loves you as a friend. That would be the equivalent of how you feel about your dh, love but not in love with.Think about that. Is that what you want?

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Just know that if you go for it with him, you will hurt your husband and your family deeply. Everyone will feel betrayed. Ask yourself if it will be worth it in the long run after your kids have distanced themselves from you and the relationship you have with them is damaged forever. Your story sounds EXACTLY like my husband and his ex. She fell in love with a married man who were very close friends with the entire family. Even her own parents were devastated and felt betrayed by this. I know you only have one life to live. But be prepared for some very painful fallout if you go through with leaving your family for him.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:09 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Is it really worth all of the devastation that this could do to both of your families? I think you need to drop this, for everyone's sake. YOU want to be happy... what about your children? What about his children? What about your husband? It's very selfish if you ask me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • What you are feeling is not really love. It is a walk down memory land and that has definately not withstood the test of time. Do you really want to be a sitting duck for the Karma Police? Because I guarantee if either of you follow through with this relationship you will be setting it up for failure.


    Answer by pnwmom at 9:11 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • What the hell is wrong with people? I'm so sick and tired of seeing so many people on the extremes. How dare anyone say "you're not in love, you think you are, but you aren't." How the hell would anyone else know what this woman is feeling?

    I'm sorry that you're feeling torn. I've been there before too, and it's not an easy feeling. I don't have much advice for you except for to try to take everyone's feelings into consideration, even YOUR OWN. Think about what your life would be like without your current husband if things don't go well the other way. On the other hand, if you don't see yourself being in love or having the type of love life you want, then perhaps you should rethink things and try to fix what you're not happy with. Good luck hun.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • anon :45, they would be hurting BOTH families. love is knowing when it is an infatuation and when it has and will stand the test of time. Maybe people should be telling the op to get therapy because something is not right with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

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