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Why do I let her make me feel this way?

My husband , my son, & I live with my husbands parents. Sometimes my MIL makes me feel like i am a bad mother. I hate it when I feel this way. I love my son with all my heart and I would do anything for him. I would die for him if I had to. He is my heart and soul. My in laws are always saying that my son is going to end up like the youngest son (very violent self absorbed no concern for anyone else) if we don't start punishing him strictly now. I really think that sometimes when I do punish my son, it isn't because I think he needs it but I get pressure from my in laws to do it. I really wish my husband and I had the money and means to make it on our own. I really think my parenting style will change ( and I will be able to be a better mom) If I didn't get all this negativity from my in laws. Does anyone have any advice? Please I Am Open To Ideas!

Answer Question

Asked by lamom2aj at 9:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 7 (193 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Don't ever let ANYONE make you feel guilty for your parenting decisions. As long as your son is healthy, happy, polite, respectful and well behaved, tell your MIL to mind her own business. You can over discipline a child and they will turn out to be delinquents. Which is probably what happened to the child your MIL was talking about. If you can, move out ASAP or it will only get worse.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Punishment is cruel. Discipline is what children need and there is a BIG difference between the two. Tell them they had their chance at raising their children (and look how it turned out) and now it's your turn to try your way with your own child. How they treated their youngest son is what created the narcissistic sociopath he is today. Do you want your child like that? nope, so don't listen to them. Move away from those cruel people asap and just love your son. Then he will be fine.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • you need to move out with you son... there are plenty of womens groups out there to help you out if dh joins you so be it but dont let your in laws do this to you and your son-- do something before its too late

    Answer by MELRN at 9:51 PM on Nov. 19, 2009

  • Have your husband talk to them.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:29 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Your DH needs to tell them to back off. Some people will tell you that since you are in their house you have to live by their rules and that is crap when it comes to your child. They don't get to tell you what to do with him, how to discipline him or raise him. I have this problem weekly with my IL's and we live in another town. I finally had to say I am the mother and I will do things the way I see fit. Your son does not deserve to be punished, especially if it's only to appease people who obviously aren't fit to be parents anyway. If your DH won't stand up for you and your child, he should stay with his mommy and daddy and you and your son find a healthy place to live.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Nobody can make you feel inferior until you let them. If your MIL is making you feel this way it's because you're allowing her to. If you feel that your parenting styles are working, then stick with your parenting styles. Don't let anyone tell you how to raise your child, or how to punish your child. You are the parent and only you get to decide. If your MIL/FIL doesn't agree then that's on them, not on you. You don't need to feel guilty or ashamed of how you parent just because someone else doesn't agree with you. Nobody agrees with the same parenting styles, so why would you let yourself get down about how she chooses to believe?

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:46 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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