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hi, if your partner cheated are you still with him and how long has it been since he cheated? If you're

together a long time since he cheated or the last cheat time, what did you do to build and maintain trust again for your future with him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Nov. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Husband cheated yes, we're not together we are seperated, he has lied during the course of our mariage about lots of other things, but I never thought he would cheat. I will not be getting back with him, he's not hurting me anymore. I have since got divorce papers, wanting to get seperation papers, applying for Child Support then custody, I'm folllowing through with the process.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I know some woman don't have a choice sometimes but for me once they do it they'll do it again. Like the saying goes "Once a cheater always a cheater" I mean some people change but I wouldn't feel the same for them any more I will always have it in the backof my head...always wondering...what if. It happend to me once then twice so Ieft him luckily we did not have kids or elseit would have been alot harder. I am glad he cheated bc now I have a real man in my life and now we have two beautiful kids. I'd like to think that God was saving him for me...lol GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:00 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • He did. He confessed. I had no clue. He was always home at the right time, etc. It was a lunchtime thing, so how would I know. We went to counseling for 1 year. At the end of that he said he was still involved, and had no plans to stop. We're divorced. If it happened to me again, there would be no counseling. Byebye.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 10:00 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Yes he did, I filed for divorce 3 weeks after I found out because he told me I should get over the past (it happened 6 months before I found out). he didn't acknowledge that while he had the time to deal with it, I hadn't yet. I figured that if he wasn't willing to help me work thru it, then we were done. The day we signed papers and got a court date, we talked for 6 hours and he agreed to go to couciling to help me deal with it and to help US work thru it. He completely changed that day and now, 6 months later, we are more of a family than we ever were before. I still have my days that I question him, and he understands that it is all up to him to gain my trust back. He is devoted to doing that and it's his job to EARN my trust and NOT my job to learn to trust since I trusted him before and he took advantage of that.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:17 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • He did. I stayed but we couldn't keep it together. He just enjoyed being with every woman that was within 20 miles so I left.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:41 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Yeah, sorry OP, I know you were probably looking for your happy ending here and it looks like so far there is ONE lonely post along THOSE lines...the rest are the reality of it and I am afraid I am with THEM.... Unless you get a miracle like Jademom (and you will know if you do...if you wonder they thats a no) - I am afraid that if monomogy is a deal breaker for you, your marriage is history. Sorry, join the club....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • look, forget that last anonymous b/c they are prob just bitter. If both of you are willing to work things out then by all means try to. Marriage isn't just some random relationship and it shouldn't be taken so lightly. Divorce is to easy. My husband cheated. Granted we got married really young and both of us were not mature at the time. We decided to give it another chance and we are actually closer now than before. So there are happy endings. Don't depend on CM to determine what you're gonna do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Yup. He cheated. That was 4 years ago and we are still together. He came clean and told me about it. Then completely opened up his entire life (emails, phone logs, everything) to me. He wanted to make the marriage work as much as I did. But he knew that he had broken my trust and he had to earn it back. It was about a year ago that I started to trust him completely again. And now our marriage is better than it ever was.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • My husband cheated in 2006 and we're still married. It took a lot of work on both of our parts to fix our marriage, but it's well worth it.
    asaffell

    Answer by asaffell at 12:08 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • my husband cheated and lied for 3 years before I found out and we've been married 4 yrs now. We separated for 6 months. He said he's sorry and would be honest with me hence forth.
    It's affected my feelings for him ever since, my heart was terribly broken, I felt like the fool of the century and have not completely recovered from it. I don't love him in the passionate way I used to just enough to raise kids with him..(pathetic as it may sound). The trust is totally gone
    labrax

    Answer by labrax at 12:32 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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