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I am so torn. I do not know what to do!

I have been casually dating two men for the past few months. I have NOT slept with either one of them. They do not know about each other. And up until the other day, I was not aware if either of them were dating other women. But they both have said that they would like to take things to the next level & be serious. I like both of them, they each have wonderful qualities. I am marriage minded & a Christian. Man A is a Christian though does not attend church reqularly. He is cute, sweet, funny, caring, sensitive. He is separating from the military soon & is up in the air w/ his plans, which makes me somewhat nervous. Man B is super sexy, smart, a hardworking military man w/plans to retire from the military. But he is also very passionate, which leaves me feeling a bit objectified. I really care about both of them. I do not know what to say or which man to pick! How do I make such a hard decision? Help please!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • If you can't choose one of them, then that tells me there are really two options here: either stop seeing them both, b/c neither one of them is who you really want, or (and I go with this second one), be honest with them both and tell them that you are not quite ready to take that step yet and you would like to continue with the way things are until you feel ready.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:24 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I would not rush to make a decision. I would however, let them know about each other. Let them compete but remember they are not the only men in the world.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:26 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Agree with tropical!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by older at 12:26 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Which one makes your heart thump faster?

    Answer by momofcali3 at 12:27 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • You are the only one who can answer this question. First, identify what is important to you. Take your time. Let them know about each other. If you are not ready to get serious, a true gent will patiently wait. Don't limit yourself to these two. There are many other good guys out there.
    You will know it when the right one comes along.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • OP here- momofcali3- they BOTH do! but in different ways, if that makes sense. I look forward to seeing both of them for different reasons. I feel like I can be more open and honest and more comfortable with man A. With man B, I there is a lot of physical attraction, especially him for me, but I sometimes feel awkward with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • OP here- I also wanted to add, man A is AMAZING with my child. He gets along with my child and they have a lot of fun together. If you did not know any better, you would swear that man A is my child's father. Man B has only met my daughter a few times and is a bit stand offish, but he says he wants children..............

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Honey, it sounds like need to weigh what is important. You say guy A is a great guy in just about everything but physcially sexy. I am sure A is sexy in his own way. But are you worried that you will not have the same desire for A that you do with B?
    If it were me I would never go with anyone who is stand offish to my child. My children come first not my desires or hormones.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • i'd make a list of the things that are going to matter to you down the road. all of your priorities and needs. who fulfills the most of those things? above all, if you can't make a choice, either you're not ready or neither of them are really people you'd marry. you just have to get straight with both of them once you figure out what you want.

    Answer by nemiller at 1:00 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I don't think your child should have been introduced to either of the men until you knew you were in a committed long term relationship. My mom did this and it destroyed me because she chose the man with whom I did NOT have as close a relationship with. With age, I can see why and agree that she made the right decision, but at the time it hurt that I had not only lost my father, but then lost "Mark" - just add another loss in there for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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