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What is a concealer/therapist for?

My husband was talking to women inappropriately behind my back for 3 months. Two women. He told me lies ontop of lies and when I found out I was crushed. I cried my eyes out and didn't really even put up a fight. And now for the past 5 months I just can't see me to let it go. He is a good man and a good father. But, I don't feel like he is the man I thought he was. he thinks we should see a therapist? What is that going to do for us? What do they actually do? Tell me how I feel or try to change the way I feel? I almost feel as if I don't love him anymore. But, then again I am still here... Anyone every been to a therapist?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Nov. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Therapists try to help others see things in another perspective and give alternative perspectives. They also help you work through emotional blocks when a person gets stuck. I think your dh is being kind and loving to suggest you speak to someone objective so get through your emotional block. It shows he certainly loves you enough to make sure you don't make yourself sick over what's in the past. Therapy isn't necessarily for him or the marriage. It's to protect your mental health so you can think clearly about what you want to do about matters.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:18 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • They listen to you, and they don't judge, but they help you to clarify what your goal is. (Do you want to stay together, do you want to get divorced, etc.) They help you figure out a healthy, constructive way to reach that goal, and they help you recognize patterns in your life that are unhealthy for you as far as emotionally or in your relationships.

    And they do this without taking sides, and with experience and training to see these patterns and help resolve the issues.

    In this case, they will help figure out WHY your dh was doing this. What you want to do about it, and, if it's stay together, what your dh needs to do to get your trust back, and what the two of you together need to do to help prevent him from doing something like this again.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:59 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • sailor..Based on what you just said, If I decide that I want to stay with him they are going to try and figure out why he did it. Mean figure out what I was doing wrong to make him do it? I honestly think that is not right at all. That's the reason I don't want to go to a therapist. Because We are married he vowed to be faithful in front of my entire family, his family and god. But, he was not. I don't see how in anyway that is my fault. Granted we don't have the perfect marriage. But, you wont find one anywhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • No, no, no, that's not what I meant at all! It's NOT about "why you drove him to it" or anything like that. It's about a person who WON'T point the finger at you and say "see, you're the problem" or "see, this is where you screwed up". Figuring out why he did it could be anything from he's got a sex addiction to a porn addiction to he was bored and was flattered by the attention, to he's an ass that's going to keep doing it, to, yes, maybe he felt isolated from you and lonely. BUT, if that last one is the reason, then the therapist will help him see why cheating is NOT the way to fix it.

    It's not about blaming anyone, it's about getting to the bottom of it and making sure it doesn't happen again, so you aren't hurt again.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:14 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I guess a better way of putting it is it's not about them trying to tell you what you feel or should be feeling.

    Look at it like this, have you ever talked to a friend about something, where you just needed to vent and get it all out there, and then think about it? And have that friend offer encouragement to you, and also maybe offer you a way of looking at something or something to try or think about that could try to make things better, that you might not of thought of before, because you were the one in the situation?

    Well, it's like that, with the added benefit of the person doesn't take sides, and you don't have to worry about facing them later over dinner at family events down the line.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:21 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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