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I need ALOT of advice && ASAP!! (kinda long.)

My oldest DD, whom turned 2 at the end of August is physically hurting my 4 and 1/2 month old DD. I don't know what to do anymore, it's getting out of hand. I've tried everything to make her stop, but it doesn't seem to be working & it's getting to the point that my baby is scared of my oldest. She screams when she walks into the room. I have taken away toys, treats, playtime, tv time. Shes gotten time out, she's gotten hit a few times so she know that it hurts. (i don't really believe in hitting) but, its getting frustrating. I NEED HELP! She hits, kicks, punches, jumps on, scratches her. I can't even leave them in the same room together. They will be playing so nicely together (supervised of course!!) I'm right there! But, it always happens so fast! It can't be avoided. Then, when it happens and I discipline my DD, she knows what she did is wrong, and is made to apologize and kiss her sister, I'm lost & it has to stop! HELP!

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Ari0825

Asked by Ari0825 at 7:01 PM on Nov. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Get to a doctor, NOW., This is beyond normal sibling jealousy.

    Do it before she seriously hurts the baby.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:03 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Do you think that maybe you guarding the baby is making your 2 year old lash out even more? Are you giving her special "mommy" time, just the two of you? She might be feeling jealous, or left out. Even if you play with both of them at the same time, she's used to having her mommy all to herself. It's such a big change when a new baby enters the picture, especially with a child as young as two.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • First of all, a 2 year old should not be playing with a 41/2 month old. 4 months old is to young to be laying around where the 2 year old can get to the 4 month old. IMO
    2 year old are barly out of babyhood themselves. .put the baby in a play pin where the 2 year old can not get to her
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:15 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • My oldest was physical with her younger sister starting at about 18 months. I talked to my daughter about it and found out she was afraid that she wouldn't be loved anymore since the baby was more mobile and getting into her things.  That was a stresser for her and she took it out on her sister.  So we talked and talked and punished her and after a few months she slowly stopped.  I hope this gives you hope.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 7:46 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I think that a 2yr. old is really too young to "get" things like taking away tv time, etc. I would just keep her by your side all day, every day. Don't let her play w/ your 4mo. old unless you are right there. Put her in time-out for 1-2min. when she misbehaves. Spend lots of 1-on-1 time w/ her when the baby is sleeping.
    sarahmae3

    Answer by sarahmae3 at 8:36 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I've 2 sons 17 month apart and I really never dealt with this problem. I kinda introduced my oldest one to his baby brother, while I was still pregnant and we were talking about babies and he started to play with my belly and was always very nice. When I brought home his lil brother, I involved my older one with all the things about baby care and how to play and played with both. When the baby was asleep I spend all the time I had with my oldest one to show him, he is still very important to me. Now, they are 3 1/2 years and almost 2 years and acting like boys do.
    Maybe your DD is feeling left outside alone, is scared to lose you forever and is acting up to get attention. Try to involve her in daily things and let her help with the baby. Getting the diaper or the baby wipes or baby clothes. Spend more time with her alone, make Mama Time special for her.
    Get her her own baby doll, so she can take care of her baby!
    Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't freak out like the first reply, when my little brother was born I literally tried to kill him several times, my mother had to take one of us to the bathroom with her, even if bro was sleeping if mom left me alone I would get to him when she turned her back and i turned out just fine. Instead of catching her being "bad" catch her being good. Make a big deal out of it when she does something nice with the baby. And make sure to be giving the 2yo one on one time with you. It sounds like she is in the even negative attention is better than none phase.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Making her apologize and kiss her when she's not sorry only builds up more hate for the baby. Stop forcing her to do that. My oldest dd tried to kill my youngest for years. You just have to keep her away from her but the best way to keep an older child from hating a baby is to give the oldest child separate quality time. She feels replaced. Let dad watch the baby and you spend time with the oldest or while the youngest is asleep you can play with the oldest and let her know how much you love her and how important she is to you. Don't hit her anymore.Hitting her only teaches her that hitting is acceptable and it's ok to do to someone smaller than her. It doesn't stop her from doing it bc you show her it hurts. She KNOWS it hurts, and that is why she does it!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:57 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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