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help me

This all startd because there is a starbucks cup and a mcdonalds receipt in the car. He said he went out to lunch, when I pack him a lunch! I have one bill and that is my car. I clean my BFs moms house for money 2x a month and that is my only income. I am a SAHM withour DD because we cant afford daycare. I feel like everytime BF is in a bad mood or we have an argument he tells me I need to get a job. But the rest of the time he is happy that I stay home with DD. I dont know what to do. He really is a good guy and I have just made him out to be an ass but I feel like he doesnt respect what I do all day! He said "while u are at home doing NOTHING, why dont u find a job! You need to get a job. Why dont you contribute what you make to the family??" (she pays me "100 a month!) And I said because I have 1 bill and I have to pay it! Its my car! Its a lease and I have done everything I can to get out of it but Nissan wont let me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Nov. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • cont..........ramling and venting but I just HATE arguing! Especially right before the weekend :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • You know I think it all depends on the man and his views on things. I am a stay at home mom. My husband makes all the money and and I handle the money. I make sure the bills get paid on time and food gets bought. We have a whats his mine and whats mine is his relationship. If he agreed for you to stay home then your job is to take care of the baby, keep the house clean and cook dinner. But you should still be in tilted to help from him and a break. Like I said it just depends on his views. Maybe you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about it. With no fighting or judging. ask him what he really wants from you..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • He will say " i didnt intend for u to stay home this long" she is 7 months. But the things is, im like, find cheap daycare and i would love to get a job! but im not gonna work alll day here doing EVERYTHING for you (which i dont mind, i love keeping the house clean and cooking and laundry all of that but he doesnt ever do ANYTHING. Seriously.) Its only when he is in a bad mood or we are fighting which is why he resents me but he knows i would get a joib in a second if we could afford daycare! i miss working. getting ready. socializing with people. being independent. buying the shoes if i want the fucking shoes. ugh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • He is trying to tell you something. I say go get a job.
    To me he does not sound like a good guy.
    If this is the way he is acting now as a SO. You need to think twice about marrying him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:36 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Both people in a couple should agree about things such as the woman (or man) staying home. If both don't agree, then both need to get a job. In addition, having a job will assure you of an income in case something happens to him or his income- it would be insurance for you and your child.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:08 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • You say you are painting him out to be something he is not. Doesn't sound that way to me. If the only bill you have is your car then you need to not only get a job but create more bills. He sounds like he is overwhelmed with his work load. Pick up a job and find a babysitter and/or daycare provider and help with half of the bills help with half of the daycare pay your own car note and then see what his excuse will be.

    And please don't tell me that because he is the one with the job that he is driving your car that's in your name. How lame!
    prissysayshi

    Answer by prissysayshi at 8:34 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • maybe he wants your help and is telling you to get a job when he's mad because you do need to get one to help out. I think its crazy his mom paying you to clean her house...thats a sign right there that he needs help. She must feel sorry for her son that you are'nt working.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:38 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • You might want to remind him that there is a recession going on and that it's not that easy to find jobs. I would also call around and get prices of daycare then look at jobs you qualify for and show him that you'd be working just to pay daycare which makes no sense. Put it in black and white so he can see it for himself. Tell him that the only way it would be cost effective for you to work is that if you worked a different shift as him and he watches the baby while you work. (that should shut him up)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • I would get the job, show him how much the daycare bill is and then go from there. My DH wanted to put our daughter in daycare after she was born to give my mom (who watched both of our kids for us while our shifts overlapped) a break.

    I didn't like that plan, but I looked into it. It was 175 a week for both kids (we only needed them there for like two hours a day). I had a good job, but I paid all the benefits. So while I made 400 a week, I saw 200. It wasn't worth it for 25 a week leftover. So he dropped the idea.

    You could choose to work separate shifts but honestly that's tough in itself and has other issues. Still he may realize that he doesn't want to look after your DD while you are at work, once he actually has to do it.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 9:39 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

  • Prissy why would I need to create more bills??????????????????????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Nov. 20, 2009

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