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Not really sure to do with my son anymore?

I am not sure what to do with my 17 year old anymore. He has chrones deisece, Aspergers and he is bi-polar. He will be turning 18 on January first. But here is the real kicker his girlfriend of 5 years is now pregnant and so I offered to let her stay with us and so now she is living with us which I am fine with. But my son was in a mental health hospital from last Monday till this Thursday. Because his girlfriend walked in on him cutting himself down there. Well ever since he came home all he wants to do is just curl up on his girlfriend and rest and he freaks out if he is not with her all the time. I am not worried about there schooling they both have 3.5gpa or higher. But before my son was admitted he wanted to join the army. I am at such a lose for my son and i am so worried. His girlfriend has been so great thorugh all of this and they are getting married next June. What have i done wrong here? I feel like such a screw up

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Jamie_09358

Asked by Jamie_09358 at 2:56 AM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (5)
  • You don't seem like a screw up to me! I have a son with Asperger's and Tourette Syndrome, so I know something of what you mean. Mine is still a wee one though, age 4. But the stress is still there. I admire what you've done so far, and I honestly don't think he's ready to be on his own at this time. It seems that he is in much need of more therapy, perhaps CBT, (cognitive behaviour therapy). I'm sure you've been through many therapies with him while he grew up. Is there a mental health center in your area for adults like him? Try looking that up. But most of all, please remember that you have done your best, and from what I read, he seems pretty high functioning; Just need to get the emotions under control. I wish you the best.
    NightPhoenix

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 3:15 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • i'd be worried for her saying good bye to him before the wedding. i knew one case when a boy in army was left by his and really went bed mentally. talk to her maybe before she turns back, to slow it and take it slowly ever if thinks of it. they're so young. i wish good, but tell him girls test boys, often do not want to be seen 'easy' as to marry her 1st etc. i'd offer much love to him (&her too - to both), hugs, care and lots of family activities - for him and her. to have family life rolling and fun to be with you home also. show how life can continue and would if everything works or not. (swimmingpool all , ball game, crosswords, park - leaf pickup and he does autumn bouquet for her, ranch: horse ride, rabbit feeding, musea etc.)
    baby133

    Answer by baby133 at 3:19 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • honestly, i don't see why you feel like a screw up. you couldn't predict the self harming and you did the right thing sending him to a place to get help, which is more than i can say of my mother both my brother and i are both bipolar. your son is succeeding in school and he wants to take responsibility for his child and marry his baby's mother. how does any of this make you a screw up? in my option you did a wonderful job
    kcandie

    Answer by kcandie at 3:26 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • You are not a screwup!!! Your child has some pretty tough mental disorders and needs help. I really don't think they will allow him in the military with a history of mental illness and hospitalizations. I would get him into a counselor now and make sure his meds are working properly and don't need adjusting. Also, realize that his child needs to be monitored because Bipolar is herditary and can manifest in kids as young as 5. You did what you could and he needs to learn how to control his emotions and disorders so he can survive in this world and raise his child properly.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:26 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • You are not a screwup! First and for most you need to realize that. Now you're son has Aspergers. My cousin does as well. He presents with great difficulty adjusting to environmental changes. Your son's life is changing drasticly. He's getting married, he has a baby on the way, and he's about to turn 18. That's alot of changes in a very short period of time for someone with Aspergers. These rapid, previously unexperianced changes probably set off his bi polar disored which is why he was cutting. You have done nothing wrong! Though I do suggest you discusse with your future daughter in law your son's mentally issues. It sounds like he's amazingly well adjusted but that changes he's experiancing are setting him off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

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