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Do you and your husband/SO disagree about christmas?

My husband was the fourth child in his family with 13 years between him and the third child. His father was diabetic and unable to work, his mom stayed home to take care of dad, the 3 other kids were grown and moved out. When it came to christmas there wasnt much money. He has told me alot of stories that just made me sad. He was lucky to recieve a pair of gloves and a stocking full of oranges on christmas morning. Dad was usually sick and mom stressed didnt make the holidays full of joy for anything. For me christmas was always magical. We spent time making cookies, singing, wrapping presents, laughing. My parents didnt think twice about spending $2000 on my brother and I. Spoiled? Yes I agree.
The problem being with such different backgrounds how do we find that happy medium for our 4 kids? My husband will admit he is a scrooge. He doesnt want to go to activities, get a tree, etc. Thinks Im crazy to do all of that. cont..

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Asked by formykids373 at 7:57 AM on Nov. 21, 2009 in Holidays

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I want more than anything to make happy memories for my kids. Dont get me wrong they get to make cookies,trim the tree, open presents from santa.We do laugh and have fun. They also know in the back of their head that dad isnt part of it and if he his its because mom made him.

    Answer by formykids373 at 8:01 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • Is it the money part that bothers him, or the hype and activities that he doesn't get? My hubby had issues with the amount of money I was spending on stuff, and then within a week it was broken or had lost pieces or the kids left it laying around and had no gratitude. So I found out from a friend (she has 10 children!) that they do what is called a "Victorian Christmas" to help with holiday spending. Each person receives: Something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. We implemented it with our kids and it really did wonders. Each got four gifts.........and it saved us a ton of money. They always get stocking stuffers as well, but they are trinkets....candy, barrettes, matchbox cars and such.
    If your husband has issues with the activities, then suggest you make your own personal holiday traditions and ask his input. We bake cookies, trim the tree, and all the (cont.)

    Answer by Foster_Mom at 10:26 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • traditional stuff that most people do. But we also adopt an angel from the Salvation army and go shopping as a family so that this child doesn't have a Christmas like your husband had. Adopt a boy from your local chapter and ask your husband what he would have loved to have. Buy it for that other can so heal our own wounds.
    Include him in whatever you can. If he chooses not to participate then tell him you hope he reconsiders and then don't mention it again. My husband was a scrooge, too. But once he heard us laughing in the kitchen, he showed up and decorated cookies. He ate more than he helped with, but he participated! It has taken 10 years, but he is coming around. God bless you and your family this holiday season.

    Answer by Foster_Mom at 10:31 AM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • OP-I think some of his issue is the amount of money spent for things the kids wont appreciate in two months. More-so I think alot of it is Christmas doesn't hold a special meaning for him. He doesn't really talk alot about it but maybe he saw all the other kids getting elaborate presents and spending family time doing activities and knew his family couldn't do that for him. The resentment has carried with him all these years. We try to include him in everything and occasionally he does break out of his shell. Last year he put the lights on the tree and (gasp) wanted to go black Friday shopping. I also got him to make magic reindeer food with my youngest and sprinkle it on the roof. I would love to start a new tradition for us but I think it might be difficult. The kids are 17,16,12,&7. Donating to a less fortunate family is a great one! Any more ideas are definetly welcome!

    Answer by formykids373 at 1:43 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

  • I kinda have a similiar the sense my SO is a SCOOGE! Only in his family he was the one that was so spoiled and got all these gifts. I had x-mas gifts but rarely what I wanted or asked for. SO I tend to go over board on our 3 kids but really shop for sales. Every year he gets worse and worse! This year he says 2 gifts a peice is enough. Then he doesn't get into all that decorating , making cookies, etc. Me and the kids do it all and I get so exited and he does not...just a scrooge! grrrr So mine is the opposite but they both are a scdrooge. I agree he never had good memories and maybe just can't get into it. I try to make my kids have better holiday memories than I had so I get into the holidays more with them!

    Answer by hill2 at 7:05 PM on Nov. 21, 2009

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